CIRCLES OF TIME: Thorns in the Rose
-by: the Yarnspinner-
the_yarnspinner@yahoo.com
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NOTE: This yarn is part of the Circles of Time series, and is separate from my other works. Also, this one does not contain the spicier elements of my previous yarns. For the rest of this series, visit the Circles of Time website: ( reocities.com/Tokyo/9897/ct.htm ). Special thanks to M-chan for inviting me to be a part of this.Always remember, good gentles, that a yarnspinner works from and within existing legends and stories. The characters of "Sailor Moon" belong to others. In spinning my yarns, I do not seek to infringe on their rights of ownership, but merely to join with other fans to spread the legend still further. "The moonlight carries a message of love." Enjoy.
* * * * * * * * * * * *The moon shone brightly over Crystal Tokyo in the early morning hours of August 18, 2922. A baby's crying filled the air. King Endymion, already awake, slipped softly out of bed and went to his daughter's crib. As he lifted the little pink-haired girl into his arms, his nose identified the problem. With a wry grin, he set her down on the changing table.
"Well, Small Lady," he said softly. "You have your mother's appetite for food, so I guess I should expect this. Someday, you're going to grow to be just like her, a beautiful woman who cares for her friends and her family."
Small Lady's crying had stopped, and she grinned and giggled at him as he finished cleaning her and put on a fresh diaper. He continued to talk quietly, knowing she needed to hear the sound of his voice.
"Is she alright?" Neo-Queen Serenity asked, a trace of concern in her voice. Despite caring for Chibi-Usa, Small Lady, in the past, Serenity was becoming a rather nervous mother.
"She's fine," Endymion said, picking the little girl up and gently rocking her in his arms. "Just needed a changing. But you didn't have to get up. It's my turn, anyway. And we did say we'd split the duties, remember?"
"How could I not respond when my daughter cries?" she asked, sounding slightly upset.
"Because you know your husband has things taken care of," he answered her, softly.
Endymion sat down in a chair, still rocking Chibi-Usa as she drifted back to sleep. Serenity perched on the arm of the chair, watching her daughter.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
June 30, 2923. All Crystal Tokyo celebrated the birthdays of Neo-Queen Serenity and her daughter, Princess Lady Serenity. After they had made a brief public appearance, Endymion had spirited his wife and daughter out of the city to spend a quiet day not as king and queen, but simply as Chiba Mamoru, his wife Usagi, and their daughter, Chibi-Usa.
The warm sun was slowly melting away tensions. It was twenty-one years since Usagi had begun to awaken the world from its long sleep, but there still seemed to be so much to do. Everyday brought some new demand on their time.
Even their own relationship had begun to suffer. They hardly had any time together anymore, even less than during those first years when the world was reawakening and they seemed to be working non-stop. Each made time to be with Chibi-Usa, but rarely was it together except when their daughter needed attention in the middle of the night.
The arrival of Chibi-Usa had produced its own change. Mamoru vaguely remembered Chibi-Usa visiting them in the past, when Usagi had felt the girl was coming between the two of them. Now, he had to admit, the situation seemed to be reversed. The connection he shared with Usagi had faded as her attention had focused so strongly on their daughter. She was closing him out. For so long they had been two halves of one whole. Now that it was three, the division wasn't working out cleanly.
"It's such a lovely day," Usagi sighed.
"It's your day, my love," he said, kissing her.
"I'm glad to just get away from it for a little while."
Just then, Chibi-Usa began crying. Mamoru picked her up.
"Whatsa matter, little one?" he cooed. "Hungry?"
Usagi retrieved Chibi-Usa's food from the basket and began feeding her. The little girl gulped it down furiously.
"Small Lady, slow down!" she exclaimed.
"She takes after her mother," Mamoru said.
"I never ate like that," Usagi insisted.
"You're right. I stand corrected," he said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "I do not actually remember you inhaling food that slowly."
"Oooh! If I didn't have my hands full just now, you'd be in big trouble, buster!" she declared in mock anger.
He settled back to watch the two most important women in his life, happy to have things moving closer to normal for at least a few hours.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Things had not stayed normal for long. Six months had past, during which the relationship between the king and queen had steadily chilled to match the early January temperatures. Endymion returned from a trip to North America, only to find Serenity had left for Europe, and had taken Small Lady with her.
In anger and frustration, Mamoru marched into his office and slammed his fist into the wall. As he drew his hand back in pain, he could see a small spot of blood staining through his gloves.
"Something wrong, your majesty?" a female voice asked.
He wheeled in shock, his hand reaching for his sword. "Setsuna!" he exclaimed, returning his hand to his side. "Don't do that!"
The tall young woman with the dark eyes and dark green hair looked chastened. "I'm sorry if I surprised you. I was simply concerned."
He took a slow breath, struggling to get his feelings under control. "Well, to be perfectly honest, I've been a whole lot better," he told her, sitting down behind his desk.
"This has to do with your wife taking your daughter with her on her trip."
"Yes," he sighed. "She knew I was coming back. And it's not like there's any lack of help in looking after Small Lady. You and the other Senshi have repeatedly said you're willing to help. So why does she seem to insist that she has to do everything?"
"Well, I'm not a mother, so perhaps I'm not the best person to ask that," she said. "But tell me, if the situation was reversed, and you were facing the decision of leaving Small Lady with one of us for a few days until the queen returned, could you do it?"
He thought about it for a moment. "Yes. I think I could. I'd know Small Lady was being taken care of, while I certainly couldn't give her my full attention on a official visit, and I'd know that Serenity would be home in a day or two."
"Then I think you need to talk about this with someone else," Setsuna suggested.
"I've tried. But the few times I've had a chance to bring it up, she just brushes it aside, insisting she can handle it."
"If it's important enough, you simply keep trying," she said. Looking at her watch, she stood up then gave a brief curtsey. "I must be going. Good night, your majesty."
"Good night, Setsuna."- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
As Setsuna walked down the hall, she considered her feelings for the king. She wasn't entirely sure why, but she had felt a certain affinity for him from their first meeting. She enjoyed his company, and was pleased that he was willing to open up to her. It also made her happy that she had found a place as one of those whom the queen permitted to look after the princess.
Her "onee-san", that mysterious phantom that had haunted Setsuna for as long as she could remember, insisted it was absolutely critical that she stay close to the royal family. Perhaps there was some sort of danger Setsuna was supposed to protect them from with her emerging powers. Even that, however, seemed a little hard to believe. Her abilities seemed more related to the flow of time. The other Senshi were far more capable in a fight than she was, while the king and the queen were hardly pushovers either.
She shook her head and scowled to herself. Her onee-san was always most insistent when she appeared with some new announcement, and most unforthcoming as to details and reasons.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Usagi had returned from her trip. She noticed a strange look on Setsuna's face as she took the sleeping Small Lady and carried her into her room.
"I'll be in in a few minutes, Setsuna," Usagi said.
"Yes, your majesty."
In her bedchamber, Usagi removed her clothes then stepped into the bathroom and stood under the warm spray of the shower. She was simply exhausted. The trip would have been hard enough even if she didn't have her obligation to Small Lady.
Emerging from the bathroom with her hair down, and attired in a nightdress covered by a silken bathrobe, Usagi walked to her daughter's room, finding the little girl sound asleep. 'She can sleep through anything,' Usagi thought. 'I guess she gets that from me.' She bent down and kissed the girl's cheek. "Good night, my darling. Sleep well," she whispered.
Mamoru entered their bedroom as she returned.
"Usako, I'm glad you're home," he said. "How was your trip?"
"Long and exhausting," she sighed, shedding her robe and climbing into bed.
Sitting down beside her, he turned her over onto her stomach and began gently massaging her shoulders. He could feel the tension in her as his fingers pressed into her hard, knotted muscles.
'She's working herself much too hard,' he realized.
She purred softly as her muscles began to relax under his ministrations, and slowly settled into sleep.
"Good night, Usako," he whispered in her ear, then kissed her cheek.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Before breakfast, Mamoru determined to have a talk with his wife.
"Usako. We need to talk," he said, as they dressed. "I'm very concerned that you're working yourself too hard."
"Do we have to go into this now?" she asked with a soft groan.
"Yes. I think we do."
"Well then, I don't see you cutting back on work, and I would remind you that as king and queen, we have quite a bit to do," she said.
"Yes, but as queen, you can't do anybody any good if you work yourself to a collapse. And what about Small Lady?"
"What about her?" she snapped, suddenly testy.
"Why take her on that trip?" he asked, keeping his voice calm. "That was a difficult enough exchange without having an infant along..."
"So, you're questioning my abilities as a parent, are you?" She rose to her feet, defensive anger glaring in her eyes.
"No. Of course not," he insisted. "But you could have left her here. It would have only been a day and a half, and Ami or Setsuna could have taken excellent care of her."
"Well, maybe you are happy to have our daughter raised by others, but I'm NOT! I'm her mother, and it is my responsibility."
"I thought it was our responsibility," he said.
"Don't twist my words around, Chiba Mamoru!" she nearly shouted, slamming her hand down on the dressing table.
"I'm not!" he insisted, his own voice rising in spite of his efforts. "Now will you calm down?"
"Maybe you're the one who needs to calm down," she said. "As far as I'm concerned, this conversation is over. I must see to Small Lady." She marched out of the room, seething.
Mamoru's own anger was also high. Whenever he brought up Small Lady or her work, and he had just done both, he ran into a wall. She would not yield on, or even seriously discuss either subject.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Setsuna happened to arrive outside Small Lady's room at the same moment as did Usagi. Seeing the hard set of the queen's jaw, Setsuna quickly jumped in front of her, blocking the door.
"Get out of my way, Setsuna!" Usagi growled.
"Majesty, you are clearly upset with somebody, but that somebody is *not* Small Lady," Setsuna told her, not moving aside.
"Are you questioning my ability to raise my daughter?" Usagi asked, testily.
'I guess they had their talk,' Setsuna thought. "No, majesty. But surely you would agree that it is not appropriate to let Small Lady see such feelings in you."
Usagi hesitated for a moment.
"Please, your majesty. Walk for a few minutes," Setsuna said, following up on this opening. "Come back once you've had a chance to calm down."
Usagi took a deep breath. "Very well. I'll be back in a few minutes." She turned and walked down the hall.
Setsuna breathed a sigh of relief for having spared Small Lady exposure to what was bothering her mother. As she watched the queen walk away, however, Setsuna felt a new fear rising in the pit of her stomach. Clearly, things were not well between the king and the queen.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"I see you had your 'talk' with her," Setsuna said, sitting in Mamoru's office later that afternoon.
Mamoru nodded. "The moment I mentioned Small Lady, it ceased to be a conversation. I've never seen her get that mad before, not even when we were young and thought we hated each other."
"She won't talk about it at all?"
"No. Usagi seems to think raising Small Lady is her responsibility exclusively. I helped conceive her, but now I guess I'm just supposed to fade into the background and stay out of the way."
Setsuna nodded her head. "Yes. When I suggested she was too upset to go see Small Lady this morning, she responded in almost knee-jerk fashion, asking if I was challenging her abilities as a parent."
"She said almost the same words to me," Mamoru said. "When it comes to Small Lady, she won't brook any discussion."
"Well, your majesty. I'm afraid you're the only one who can address that situation."
"That's what I thought you were going to say, Setsuna. So, once more into the lion's den."- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Usagi lay down on her bed. She had shed her royal gown, now wearing an old, comfortable pair of sweats. For a few minutes at least, she was not a queen, but plain, ordinary Usagi.
She had never felt so alone. Even before she had met Mamoru, she'd had family and friends. Now, she was isolated from nearly everyone by a crown and a title. Even the Senshi, although they only addressed her as 'your majesty' when in public, treated her differently. Ami was a little less quick to volunteer advice. Rei was much less likely to snap at her, but also less free in speaking her mind. Mako and Minako were less likely to simply sit down with her to engage in ordinary girl-chat.
Since putting the world to sleep to save it, and then reawakening it nearly a thousand years later, the burdens and expectations on her had steadily grown. With them, however, her old fears and self-doubts had grown back. Virtually an entire planet looked on her as their savior. Any time there was a problem, surely "her gracious majesty, Neo-Queen Serenity" can solve it. How could she possibly live up to such expectations? And what about Usagi, woman, wife, and mother? When did she get any time for herself?
Now so busy, she hardly ever had the chance to just be with her friends in a casual sense. She often saw Mamoru only at night just before going to bed, and then conversation was limited to how that day had gone, and what was expected for the day to come. Once more, she was certain she was not up to the burdens being thrown on her. With her memories faded as to just what had forced her to put the world to sleep and just what she had found when she awoke it, she was no longer so sure of that regal, decisive nature which her subjects hailed in her. Was that really the truth, or had it been just one more case where she was the only one left to do the job? Despite what people said about her publically, she was certain that her failings were evident to everyone.
The one area where she drew the line was Small Lady. Usagi would not tolerate anyone criticizing her raising of her daughter, even though she was certain most people saw her as unfit in this area too. Her worst fears seemed to be born out as Setsuna and even Mamoru were raising veiled questions about her decisions regarding Small Lady.
She had tried reaching out for Mamoru's comforting presence, as he had always seemed to be able to understand what was bothering her and know how to help her solve it. Their connection was fading, and she could only just barely feel his presence, nothing more. Rolling over, she buried her head in her pillow, tears streaming down her face, an ordinary young woman, in a large bed in a very large palace, feeling very much alone.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Mamoru approached the door of their bedchamber. Just as he was about to enter an aide rushed up behind him.
"Majesty," the man called.
Groaning inwardly, Mamoru turned back to face him. "Yes?"
"There is an urgent call. An earthquake on the west coast of North America."
"Damage?" he asked.
"Severe, majesty. Central Los Angeles was virtually destroyed."
Mamoru shook his head sadly. The engineers and geologists had been so certain that the new foundation technologies would prevent this. Such devastation in what was now North America's first city would cripple building efforts elsewhere on the continent.
"I'll be right down," he told the aide.
Reaching for the door, Mamoru felt an ache in his heart. He wanted to let Usagi sleep, but knew Neo-Queen Serenity was needed for this.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The royal hovercraft moved over the devastated city. Mamoru could see tears in his wife's eyes. The core of the newly built Los Angeles had been dominated by four large spires. Those were now gone, only a broad area of rubble marking where they had once been.
"It was actually several quakes," the geologist explained as the king and queen looked out the windows. "The first was a conventional, lateral quake; the ground shifting parallel to the surface. It measured at least an 7.8, but the foundation structure under the city held together. We would have been fine but the shock waves set off at least five vertical thrust quakes. The ground under the core of the city was violently pushed upward by anywhere from two to five meters. The foundation shattered and the lateral motion in the buildings brought almost all of them down."
"And the death toll?" the queen asked softly.
"At least eight thousand, your majesty," a city official answered, her left arm in a sling.
"But the majority of the citizens live outside the core," the king said.
"Yes, that's right," the woman answered. "We were lucky in that respect. Another kilometer east and the death toll could be twenty times that."
"Do you want to go down for a closer look?" Mamoru asked Usagi softly.
"No," she answered. "But I have to."
The hovercraft descended over the shattered city, looking for a clearing in which to land.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A cheering throng soon assembled around the queen, taking reassurance simply from her presence.
"They expect me to do something," she whispered to Mamoru.
"No. You've already done it," he said. "Just being here is what they need most."
They continued to tour the city, coming to a residential section. In front of a damaged home, they found a woman with her young son. The woman's dark skin and eyes proclaimed her Native American ancestry.
"Is your family alright?" Usagi asked the woman.
"Yes. They are fine," the woman answered.
"Is there just the two of you?"
"No, your majesty. My husband and older son are helping a neighbor. His house was more damaged than ours."
"Then, you will stay?" the queen asked.
"Of course," the woman answered. "It's the way of nature. Things are torn down, so that they may grow back stronger."
Usagi nodded and touched the woman's hand, moved by her courage. 'I wish I was half as brave as she is,' Usagi thought.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
April of 2925 warmed Crystal Tokyo, bringing the flowers to bloom and sending the cold of winter at last on its way. Since the reawakening, the festivals of spring had taken on a new significance as an annual reminder of the world restored to life.
This year, the royal family were nowhere to be seen, with a palace spokesperson saying simply that the king and queen had decided to mark the occasion privately.
Mamoru had found a small place high up in the mountains. Here the snow still fought a rearguard action against the advancing spring thaw. In many ways, though, the snow seemed more in place here, amongst the hardy evergreens that did not need to go into a winter dormancy.
He had told the Senshi and their other advisors to hold the world at bay for ten days, during which time he was desperately going to seek a spring thaw of sorts for his marriage.
After three days, much of the tension had melted out of their conversation, as he and Usagi enjoyed the peace and quiet, which was interrupted only by their daughter's numerous forays into the snow. As they stood outside the house watching Small Lady slide down a snowbank with a shriek of youthful delight, then climb back up with a look of determination to try it again, Usagi's hand reached out for Mamoru's. He turned and looked down into his wife's beautiful blue eyes.
Suddenly, a snowball struck him in the arm, followed by a little girl's laughter. "I got you, Daddy!" she exclaimed gleefully.
"Oh, someone wants a snowball fight, I see," he said. Bending down, he made a great show of packing a snowball together, as Small Lady slowly backed away, still giggling. Mamoru swung his arm slowly and released the snowball, which had been only very loosely packed, and promptly broke up into a cloud of snow which lightly coated the little girl. "Now I got you."
"Daddy doesn't make good snowballs," Small Lady laughed.
"I make snowballs that don't hurt our Small Lady," he said.
Lunging forward, he grabbed his daughter, scooping her up in his arms, then grasped his wife's hand. Sitting down in the snow, Mamoru pulled Usagi down alongside him, then flicked snow at both of them. Mother and daughter promptly ganged up on him as they rolled, laughing, in the snow.
Later, they went back inside to put a very tired little girl down for a nap.
"How are you feeling, Usako?" he asked softly.
"Better, I think," she answered. "I'm feeling much more at peace. For someone called Serenity, I haven't been very serene of late."
"I know what you mean," he said. "We're both working too hard. We need to start delegating more of the work. You know the other Senshi are all very capable, and we have a number of advisors and ministers who would be honored to carry out some of these duties."
"But I'm the queen. What would people think?"
"That depends on how you present it," he said. "In the past, monarchs used to rule absolutely. Then the people began to learn that they could actually govern themselves. The monarchs usually fought against this until they were forced to change or were deposed. You and I are where we are because it was necessary as you began to awaken the world and start its reconstruction. Eventually, that could change. Remember those who fled? What if those who remained and were purified no longer see us as part of the solution? As the world rebuilds more and more, we won't need to fill as active a role. We can let others do more, and I think people will be happy for it. And I know you and I will be happier for it."
"I guess we'll have to think about that," she said.
He sat down on the couch, and she snuggled against him, soon dozing off herself.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Two months later, Mamoru sat in his office.
"Things aren't perfect, Setsuna, but they're a lot better," he said. "She still works too hard, but not as much, and she still gets defensive about Small Lady occasionally, but I think she is loosening up a bit. I do know that we're able to spend more time together, and that alone has been a blessing for both of us."
"That's wonderful, your majesty," she said, looking distracted.
"Is something wrong?" he asked.
"Oh, not really," she said hesitantly.
"Please. You offered me a sympathetic ear when I needed it. The least I can do is offer to return the favor."
"Well, I'm just having some general feelings of unease. Nothing much more specific than that." In fact, it was not the whole truth. Her feelings were centering very specifically around Endymion, Serenity, and Small Lady. Further, she felt certain her mysterious onee-san was involved in this somehow.
"Forebodings of the future, hunh? Well, maybe we should seek a second opinion," he said with a smile.
Just then, the communicator on his desk beeped, the display showing it was a call from Rei.
"Hello, Rei," he said, after opening the channel. "I was just thinking of calling you."
"Oh, really?" Rei asked.
"Yes. Setsuna is here with me. She says she's experiencing bad vibes."
"I would agree with that," Rei said, her voice serious. "Something is going on, but I can't figure out what it is."
"What do you mean?" Mamoru asked.
"I'm not sure how to explain it, but it's almost like there's some consciousness out there trying to hide whatever it is from me. No matter how I probe, I just get bad vibes. The specifics always seem to drift out of reach," Rei answered.
Mamoru noticed Setsuna nodding her head vaguely.
"I think Setsuna agrees with you," he told Rei.
"Uhm, yes," Setsuna said, speaking up to be sure the communicator picked up her words. "My feelings are kind of the same. General unease, but I can't find the cause."
"Well, I'll keep looking, Mamoru," Rei said. "If I find out anything more, I'll get back with you."
"Thank you, Rei," he said, closing the channel. He noticed Setsuna with a blank expression on her face. "Setsuna?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, majesty," she said very softly. "Would you excuse me? I need to step out for a while."
"Certainly."- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Setsuna walked through the park. From what Sailor Mars had told the king, she was certain her onee-san was behind this. Even though her onee-san seemed only to be interested in the ends, not the means, surely even she wouldn't be involved in something that threatened the royal family. As she thought it all through, Setsuna became less certain she could fully trust her mysterious phantom.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A bright, sunny afternoon found Mamoru and Usagi watching Small Lady riding a pony. A trainer held the pony's lead while the little girl sat in the saddle hanging on.
"Look at me, Mommy! Look at me!" Small Lady squealed with joy, a bright smile on her face.
"She looks so happy," Usagi sighed, holding Mamoru's hand.
He kissed his wife's cheek. "She certainly does."
Rei walked toward them, a serious look on her face. Suddenly, an aircraft streaked overhead. As Rei cried a warning, the trainer felt the pony start to shy, turning back toward Small Lady. Before she could get to the girl, Small Lady was thrown from the saddle, tumbling to the ground with a shriek, which was silenced as she hit.
"Small Lady!" Usagi screamed, racing into the paddock with Mamoru and Rei right behind her.
The little girl lay limp on the ground, blood running down the side of her face. Usagi was becoming hysterical.
"Don't move her," Mamoru cautioned.
Rei put away her communicator. "The paramedics will be here shortly," she told them.
Another stableperson arrived with a first aid kit. Rei began wiping away the blood from Small Lady's face, then applied a bandage to the gash beneath her hair.
The paramedic hovercraft soon settled down in the paddock. After immobilizing Small Lady's neck, the paramedics secured her to a backboard, then loaded her in the vehicle for transport to the hospital.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"She has a concussion," Ami told Usagi, Mamoru, and the other Senshi. "The gash on her head was really pretty minor. And fortunately there is no spinal injury, so that there is no danger of paralysis."
"Then she'll be alright?" Usagi asked, her voice a strained whisper.
"Yes. She should stay overnight for observation, just to be safe. Then she can go home," Ami said. "But she should still take it easy for a few weeks afterward."
Usagi nodded, while the others looked relieved.
"Of course she's alright," Rei said with a grin. "She has her mother's hard head."
Everyone laughed. Everyone, except Usagi.
"I never should have let this happen," Usagi whispered.
Mamoru slipped his arm around her. "It wasn't your fault, Usako," he said softly. "She's going to be fine. That's what is important."
"That's right," Minako agreed. "Don't blame yourself."
"But I was the one who let her go riding," Usagi insisted. "If I hadn't this wouldn't have happened."
"If you try to shield her that completely, she'll never learn and grow," Rei said.
"She's right," Mamoru told his wife. "Remember all the times you had bumps and bruises and scrapes when growing up? And the broken arm when you were eight?"
"That was different. I wasn't growing up as a princess," Usagi said.
"Well, I seem to recall a story about a young Princess Serenity of the Moon nearly drowning. Afterwards, the queen didn't lock you in your room to keep it from happening again," said Makoto.
"I'm not talking about locking her up!" Usagi declared, impatiently. "I just want her to be safe!"
"We all want that," Mamoru told her.
"Then we have to make some changes," Usagi said, rising and marching in to see her daughter.
Mamoru groaned inwardly as he followed her.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"I can do it myself, Mommy," Small Lady said, sitting on a tricycle.
"We don't want you hurting yourself," Usagi insisted, as she kept one hand on the handlebars and one on the girl's shoulder.
"But I can do it," Small Lady declared.
"Usako," Mamoru called softly.
Looking up, she finally let go of her daughter and walked over to him. He took her hand and kissed her cheek.
"She's not going to fall off that thing here on level ground," he said quietly. "And she'll enjoy it so much more doing it herself."
"But she's still very young, and I need to sure she'll be safe," she said.
"That's why we start her out on level ground," he replied. "You'll be able to see any potential hazards well before she gets into trouble."
As he slipped his arm around her shoulder, Usagi sighed and leaned against him. From the slight movements of her head, he could tell her eyes were closely monitoring their daughter's every move.
Nine weeks had passed since Small Lady's riding accident, and Usagi had again become highly protective of the little girl, who hardly ever got a chance to go outside anymore. Mamoru tried to encourage his wife to loosen up, but she usually didn't take such suggestions very well. This was one of her better days.
"Wheeeee!" Small Lady cried happily, as she pedaled furiously.
Usagi started to move, but Mamoru tightened his grasp while leaning forward and softly kissing her cheek.
"She's so much like her mother," he said.
"Hmmm," Usagi sighed, nodding.
"And I'm sure she'll turn out just fine."
Usagi nodded again, but remained tense.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"You don't think I can handle raising our daughter? Is that it?" Usagi asked angrily.
"Of course I don't think that," Mamoru answered with a sigh. It was now more than four months since Small Lady's accident.
"Oh, right! You and Setsuna both said almost the exact same thing to me! 'Wouldn't Small Lady be happier if...' Yesterday it was Rei, and the day before, Ami and Mako. Have you all decided I'm an unfit mother?"
"Who said anything about you being unfit?" he asked.
"You never had to!" she said, cutting him off. "You're all making the point most effectively. Everything I do seems to draw a comment from somebody. 'Wouldn't it be better if...?' Like I can't do anything right on my own!"
"You've done so many things right, Usako," he told her. "And nobody is trying to be critical. We just care about you very much, and we want to help."
"Then maybe you need to find a better way of showing it," she grumbled, turning and walking away.
"Usako, wait," he called, hurrying after.
"Just leave me alone! I don't want to talk about this anymore," she said.
"Please..."
"I said enough!" she declared, her eyes flashing in anger.
Mamoru stopped in his tracks as she turned and marched away.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Good morning, lovebirds!" Minako called cheerily as she knocked at the door.
"Good morning, Minako," Mamoru said unenthusiastically, as he opened the door.
'Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise,' Minako thought, feeling a decided chill and noticing that Mamoru and Usagi were making definite efforts to stay clear of each other.
"I don't mean to be rude, Minako, but I have to run," Mamoru said. "I have a busy morning."
Minako watched him leave, then turned to Usagi. "Are things going alright?"
Usagi just nodded noncommitally.
"OK," Minako said softly. "Anyway, I stopped in to see if I could look after Small Lady for you this morning."
Usagi wheeled on Minako angrily. "So! You're in on this as well? I want everyone to understand this! I am perfectly able to take care of my daughter. I don't need the rest of you continually sticking your noses in! Is that clear?!"
"Sure..., sure," Minako answered, stunned. "I wasn't trying to suggest anything..."
"That's quite enough," Usagi growled.
Minako turned and left.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"We've hardly said two words to each other in the last month," Mamoru told Setsuna.
Setsuna nodded. "Yes. All the Senshi have received tongue lashings from the queen by mentioning Small Lady."
"And Small Lady is beginning to notice, since we don't see her together anymore. But it's the only way to shelter her from our cold exchanges." Mamoru shook his head sadly.
"You sound like you're beginning to resign yourself to it," Setsuna suggested.
"You mean that I'm giving up?" he asked. "No. I can't. I can't live without her."
"Then, what will you do?"
"I just have to keep trying," he said. "Otherwise, I might as well just lay down and die."- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Setsuna tossed and turned in bed. She hated seeing the king in such pain, and her own heart ached because of it.
Finally falling asleep, she dreamt again of comforting the king, helping him to put aside his pain. This time, however, it quickly grew physical, as yearnings swelled within her. Swearing that he truly loved her, Endymion pulled her into his arms. The fires grew hotter within both of them and, pulling away clothes, they tumbled onto the couch.
Setsuna awoke with a scream. Trembling uncontrollably, she found herself wet with both perspiration and arousal.
"No," she whispered. "No. It can't happen. It mustn't."- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Another month had passed with no signs of any improvement in the king and the queen's marriage. With Endymion's increasing need to talk about what was happening, Setsuna found her own feelings for him growing stronger as she longed to be able to comfort him.
Almost every night she was dreaming of herself in a more intimate relationship with the king.
Once more, she bolted awake, trembling.
"This has to stop!" she declared to the empty room. "I cannot..., will not be the... the 'other woman.' I don't care how much Onee-san says I have to stay close to the royal family, I will not be the one who tears their marriage apart!"
Later that morning, she packed for a vacation. She needed to tell someone she was going away for a few weeks, she realized, but who. Quickly, she settled on Ami. Setsuna wasn't entirely sure why she came to that choice, but somehow, she felt she could trust Ami as much as she could the king.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
As the aircraft swept out over the ocean, Setsuna stared blankly out the window, her attention focused entirely inward. She really was attracted to Endymion, she realized. Mamoru. She tentatively experimented with his true given name. She hadn't known him as long as the other Senshi had, and even though they had been reasonably welcoming of the somewhat eccentric newcomer who came to style herself after the mythical Sailor Pluto, Setsuna had never felt it was her place to address the king and queen by anything other than their official titles.
Despite this, she had felt, almost from the beginning, a strange affinity for King Endymion. Something within assured her that she could trust him. She found herself enjoying his company, and hurting when he hurt. If someone had asked if she loved the king, her initial reaction would have been to say no, at least no more than any other of their majesties' subjects. A somewhat more pressing inquiry would, she had to admit, bring her to confess that she loved him like an older brother or a caring uncle, offering the sort of familial comforting presence she had never really known. But now, she was terrified of the prospect that she was feeling still more for him. No, she insisted. It was just that he was in pain, going through a difficult period, and a part of her was confusing the concern of a platonic or sibling love, for a physical, sexual love. That was all there was to it. Wasn't it?
Suddenly she sensed a very faint presence and caught a motion out of the corner of her eye. Turning, she saw nothing and the presence was gone. But she had recognized it, and a feeling of unease rose within her. Onee-san!- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Daddy, are you and Mommy angry at each other?" Small Lady asked.
Mamoru felt his breath catch as he looked down into her wide almost four-year-old eyes. "No, not really," he said, sliding her into his lap.
"Then why does it seem that way?" she asked.
"Well, we're both tired," he explained. "You know how you sometimes get cranky when you're tired?"
She nodded hesitantly.
"The same thing can happen to grown-ups."
"You need more sleep?"
He laughed softly and hugged her. "I wish it were quite that simple. As queen, your mommy has an awful lot of things she needs to do. So do I."
"Can I help?"
"No, I'm afraid not, but thank you for offering. You see, your mommy and I have to make sure someone knows how to do something before we ask him or her to take that job. It takes time to learn something new, doesn't it."
She nodded.
"So, it takes time for us to work through this. But we will," he assured her. "So don't you worry, OK?"
"OK," she agreed.
"Now, under the covers with you, my girl," he said. "Do you want a story?"
"Yes, please," she said.
"Well, once upon a time, there was a great champion of love and justice..." he said, as the little girl lay her head back on the pillow.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Mamoru sat down hard in his desk chair, silently cursing himself. He had just chewed out an aide for something minor that really hadn't even been her fault. His personal problems were now beginning to affect his work.
Since Setsuna had left, he no longer had someone he felt comfortable in confiding with. Certainly the other Senshi were friends and were concerned, but they were naturally closer to Usagi than to him.
Without someone to talk with, he had been on a slow boil, giving him an increasingly short temper which he was taking out on those around him.
He knew Setsuna had returned to Crystal Tokyo, but she had been staying away from the palace. Mamoru could only presume that his difficulties were getting to her as well. A pang of regret swept through him. He'd always felt a rather high level of comfort around Setsuna, despite her sometimes eccentric behavior. He wasn't sure just why, or what it meant. It had been such a subtle feeling that he hadn't even been really aware of it until she had left. The realization that he had been taking her for granted left him with more regret.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Rei approached the doors to the gym. She could hear the sounds of metal slamming hard into metal. Opening the door, she peered inside. Mamoru was lying on the bench of an old-style weight machine, loaded to its maximum capacity, and was pushing the handles upward violently. The new machines used electro-magnetic resistance, were much safer, and gave a more even conditioning of the muscles. But Rei had to admit, they did lack that satisfying metal clang that could be so emotionally therapeutic.
"Let me guess. Nobody would spar with you, right?" she asked.
"Hmph. Did you come down here just to be sarcastic?"
"No. I understand you two had another fight."
"Fifteen rounds, no decision. Just plenty of bruises," he said. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her stiffen. "Only emotional bruises," he clarified.
Rei sighed. "This has been going on for months. Just what is going on with you two?"
"Hasn't the great fire told you?" he asked, slamming the weights against the stop with relish. "The queen thinks that we're all interfering in her prerogatives, and commands that we go stuff it."
She could feel the pain inside him as he continued to violently abuse the weight machine. "So, you're just going to batter that machine to pieces?" As she said it, a snapping sound was heard as one of the hinge-pins broke.
Mamoru lowered the weights and sat up. "And what do you suggest? Go back up for a rematch?" he asked.
"You can't just leave things as they are," she insisted.
"In another thirty seconds it would have come to blows," he said, his voice full of anguish. "I've brought her enough hurt in the past, Rei. I will not strike her. That means I had to get out of there."
"Well, you've got to do something about it, and soon," Rei said. "Nobody wants to be around you two anymore. But more importantly, it's getting to your daughter."
Mamoru looked up at her.
"That's right. She stayed with me last night, and I can tell you, neither of us got much sleep because she had one heck of a nightmare," Rei told him sharply. "So you two had better work this thing out, and soon!" She turned and left, slamming the door behind her.
With an animalistic cry of pain and frustration, Mamoru picked up a hand weight and hurled it the length of the room.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Usagi heard her door open, turning to find Rei striding into her office, swinging the door closed behind her.
"Don't you knock anymore?" Usagi asked.
"Depends on what sort of a mood I'm in," Rei said.
Usagi was in no mood for this. "Is that any way to address the queen?" she asked, her tone serious.
Rei stood her ground. "I'm not addressing a queen, but a friend of mine who is a stubborn brat, and has odangos for brains!"
"What the hell...?!"
"Chiba Usagi, destiny has blessed you with a wonderful daughter and the most fantastic man in the universe. And now you are in danger of losing him and of doing serious emotional harm to Small Lady."
"Rei, you are out of line!"
"Well, somebody needs to be telling you this, because you are about to throw away the best thing you ever had, and if you do, we lose both our king and our queen. Now, maybe you don't care about all those people out there anymore," Rei said, sweeping her hand out toward the window. "But I hope you do still care about your daughter, because what you and Mamoru are doing is starting to get to her."
"Small Lady?" The anger faded from Usagi's eyes.
"That's right. I spent most of last night sitting up with her after a nightmare about losing both her parents. Now I had best be going. I've taken up too much of your majesty's valuable time," Rei said, her use of the title dripping with sarcasm, as she turned and walked out.
Usagi slumped back against her desk.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
August 1, 2926. Usagi had canceled a planned family picnic at the last minute, declaring the weather was chancy, and she wouldn't risk Small Lady being caught out in a downpour. Small Lady had been particularly upset. That evening, the chill between Usagi and Mamoru had become so pronounced that he excused himself from attending an awards ceremony to avoid a public scene.
"What happened today?" he asked later in their bedchamber. "There was nothing wrong with the weather."
"I couldn't take the risk," she said.
"What risk? The weather was fine, and it's not like she was going to melt."
"I can't believe you care so little..."
"Usagi! Don't you dare say I don't care for our daughter!" he growled. "That's crossing the line, and you know it!"
"Maybe actions speak louder than words," she said.
"And there is certainly nothing wrong in my actions where Small Lady is concerned."
"Oh, really. Then you're saying that this is all my fault?"
"Well, I'm not the one who is keeping her virtually locked up," he said, his voice rising.
Her eyes went wide in rage. "Go to hell, Chiba Mamoru!" she screamed, slapping him hard across the face.
Stunned, he took a step back, fighting desperately to maintain his self-control. "Fine," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. He turned and stormed out, pulling the door closed with a loud slam. As he walked away down the hall, he was virtually blind for the tears in his eyes, and his heart felt like it had been ripped out of his chest.
Usagi stood there, trembling. As her rage faded, she could feel her hand stinging from having struck him. She stared at her hand blankly, then slowly became aware of the oppressive emptiness of the room. 'He's really left,' she thought. The room started to spin and she just barely made it to the bed before collapsing. "Mamo-chan!" she cried in raw agony. She pulled the crown from her hair and flung it across the room, sobbing uncontrollably.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Mamoru sat in his private study, slumped back on the couch. He had nearly emptied a full bottle of Scotch, but it hadn't helped with his pain, still feeling like a part of himself had been torn out.
"It's over," he whispered, tears running down his face. "It's over."
He had never felt so torn up since that time he had broken up with Usagi when they were young. He couldn't recall just why he had broken up with her then, except that it had seemed terribly important at the time. In the end, it had proven to be some sort of misunderstanding, but Usagi had kept coming after him, refusing to admit it was over. This time, however, she seemed to want nothing to do with him. How could he live without her?
He downed another glass of the liquor in one gulp, no longer truly feeling it burn down the back of his throat. The room was out of focus, but he became aware of a female figure looking at him. Tall, with dark hair, and dressed in gray, she bore a vague resemblance to Setsuna. 'Can't I just be left in peace?' his drunken mind wondered.
"What do you want?" he asked.
The woman seemed startled by his question, suddenly fading out of sight. Mamoru shook his head, assuming he must have been seeing things.
One more glass finished off the bottle. He considered opening another, but some inner instinct warned him he should not be alone in this state. Rising unsteadily to his feet, he held up the empty bottle and stared at it. "Damn you!" he swore at the bottle, hurling it against the wall.
Pulling on a jacket, he stumbled down to the ground level and made his way out into the city. His legs and feet felt like they weren't quite attached to the rest of him, and it took all his concentration to keep himself walking in a reasonably steady fashion. First one foot and then the other, one foot and then the other. He had no idea of time when he suddenly collapsed in front of a doorway. Quite by accident, he hit the doorbell on the way down. He noticed a name beside the door, but his eyes refused to focus. The door opened and he was vaguely aware of a tall woman with long dark green hair.
Setsuna quickly recognized the figure sprawled on her doorstep. Suppressing the automatic address of 'your majesty' and her nose telling her he had been drinking heavily, she slid her arms under his shoulders and pulled him inside. Once the door was closed, she dragged him up onto her sofa.
"Well, I certainly can't have anyone find you like this," she muttered to herself. "Once people learn King Endymion was wandering the streets utterly plastered, it won't take long to figure out why."
Her heart poured out for him, certain that his marriage problems must have gotten much worse. She went into her bathroom, returning with a wet cloth and wiping it softly over his face. He began to stir.
"Setsuna?" he asked, his eyes struggling to focus.
"That's right," she said softly.
"How did I get here?" he asked.
"Don't ask me. I can only account for your actions after you collapsed on my doorstep," she told him. "Now, you really should get home. Let me call Haruka. I know you can count on her discretion."
"No, please," he insisted. "I really need to talk."
"It really is late, your majesty..."
"Call me Mamoru, please," he said. "I need to talk with someone."
Her resolve failed her at the sound of the pain in his voice. She sat down beside him. "Alright."
"I'm afraid my marriage is finished," he said, his voice a faint whisper. "We had our worst fight yet. She struck me, and told me to go to hell. I left before I lost my control and struck her in return."
She listened as he poured out his emotions, the anguish of losing the woman who was his soul-mate, the pain of what this was doing to his daughter, the hurt it was causing Usagi, and his own fear of returning to the lonely half-existence his life had been before meeting her. Pain rose in Setsuna's heart. She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder then, completely surprising herself, leaned over and kissed his cheek.
"Stay the night, your... uhm, Mamoru," she said. "I have a spare room you can borrow. You're in no shape to go home right now."
He hesitated, then nodded in acceptance.
"I think you need to go wash up," she said, showing him to the bathroom.
As she heard the water running behind the closed door, Setsuna sat down, struggling once more with her feelings for this man. He was hurting so much, and she couldn't drive away compassion so far as to refuse him. The emptiness of his early life, which he so feared going back to, was very much like her own. She had never known someone who was special to her alone.
Mamoru made her feel warm and welcomed and included. But she knew he was not hers. He belonged to Usagi, Neo-Queen Serenity. And yet, what if he was right? What if his marriage really was beyond repair? 'No!' she told herself angrily. 'I will not be the other woman!' If the marriage actually ended, that might be different. But for now, he was still married and that was that.
Entering her small kitchen, Setsuna started preparing a simple herbal drink to minimize Mamoru's impending hangover. He soon emerged from the bathroom wearing his pants and with a towel hung around his neck.
"Feeling better?" she asked.
"A little," he said, his voice flat. He fell back onto the sofa.
"Here. Drink this," she said, handing him a mug of hot liquid.
"What is it?" he asked, sniffing it.
"It's basically a honey-lemon tea, but with a few herbal ingredients thrown in. It will greatly reduce your hangover in the morning."
"Thank you," he said, sipping at the drink.
As he sat there, she noticed how slumped he was, his normally erect posture gone. His shoulders looked like they carried a tremendous weight, and his eyes had lost their usual sparkle.
"So, you will be going back to her?" she asked, trying to reinforce that in herself as much as in him.
"What's the point?" he groaned. "She has all but said it's over."
"Has she?"
"Of course. She's made her feelings quite clear," he said.
The resignation in her voice brought back a memory, when he had said if he gave up on Usagi he might as well just lay down and die.
"What are you going to do?" she asked.
He paused for moment, finishing off the tea. "I don't know," he whispered.
Sensing his need for love and compassion, along with her own, Setsuna moved over beside him, turned his face toward hers and kissed him full on the lips. Pulling back, she found him staring at her blankly. Inside herself, a voice insisted this was wrong, but she kissed him again. This time, as her hands rested on his shoulders, he responded, tentatively embracing her.
Mamoru felt the warmth of her kiss, yearning for physical affection. He was torn. Since discovering his love for Usagi, he had never been unfaithful to her. Yet emotionally, he found himself needing such contact. His nerves were raw from everything he had been through. And he could feel a need in Setsuna as well.
Passion rose within Setsuna. She gasped for breath, while clinging to him tightly.
"Setsuna," he whispered.
She pressed her lips to his, certain he was going to ask her if she really wanted to do this. If she thought about it, she was sure her nerve would fail her. Instead, she let passion sweep her completely away.
His own need matched hers, and his last elements of self-restraint were swept away by her passionate hunger. Sweeping his hands up over her chest, he opened her bathrobe and peeled it off. She opened his pants, pulling them down as he stood up. Her lips met his once more while his hands pulled up on her nightgown. She stepped back, allowing him to slip the gown off over her head and toss it aside. He pressed his lips to the base of her neck, and she moaned as he moved down across her breast.
He looked up into her eyes. Her breathing short and rapid, she grasped his hand and drew him toward her bedroom. He pushed the door closed and they tumbled onto her bed.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The early morning sun streamed in through the window, spilling across the bed. Mamoru stirred, rolling closer to the warm figure next to him. As he approached consciousness, he sighed happily, feeling more relaxed and comfortable than he had in a long time. With the warmth, a golden-haired figure danced through his mind.
A feeling of unease began to grow within him as his eyes flickered open to find unfamiliar surroundings. Now dreading what he might find, he glanced over to find that figure beside him was not Usagi, but Setsuna.
"Oh, gods! What have I done?" he moaned.
Setsuna bolted awake at his cry, finding him sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands, his breath coming in hard, labored gasps.
"Mamoru? What's wrong?" she asked, laying a hand on his shoulder.
He flinched away. "This is wrong! It's all wrong!" he declared. "Oh, dear gods! What have I done?"
Though initially offended that he dismissed such a beautiful night of passion as "all wrong", she quickly recognized the despair in his voice. In an instant, all the benefit of what they had shared was swept away.
"What have I done?" he continued to moan. "I've betrayed her. I can't go on."
"Mamoru!" she called sternly. "Shake out of it! You can go on, and you will!"
He continued to berate himself, tears streaming down his face.
"Who did you first think of when you woke up this morning?" she asked. "Answer me!"
"You know who I thought of," he said softly.
"But you need to say it. Now, who did you first think of?"
"My Usako," he said, his voice barely a whisper. "Oh, gods!"
Setsuna shook him again. "Listen to me! You can't tear yourself up over this. You came here because you needed to talk. You were vulnerable. So was I. It happened. There's nothing we can do about it now."
"But what am I going to do?"
"You still love your wife, so you have to go back to her," she said.
"But how? After what I've done?"
"Regardless. You love her. You have to go back."
"No. I can't. Not now," he moaned.
Ignoring completely her state of undress, she wheeled around in front of him and slapped his face. "Listen! You *must* go back," she insisted. "You may both be in pain now, but you still need her. And she needs you. You have to go back!"
He looked at her, his eyes regaining some clarity and focus. With a slight nod, he rose to his feet and began to retrieve his clothes.
"Setsuna, I'm so sorry," he said. "I didn't mean for this to happen."
"Neither did I," she told him. "And last night, I was probably more in control of myself than you were. It's not your fault."
"Yes, it was. At least partially," he said.
"What happened here last night was about two people both suffering their own form of intense pain finding a little comfort together," she told him. "And maybe some good has come out of it. Last night, you were about ready to kill yourself. This morning, you've realized you still love your wife."
He took a deep breath, nodding his head slowly. "Tell me something. What was your pain?"
"Like you, I never knew my parents. And I've never found a special someone to share my life with," she told him.
"I see," he said thoughtfully.
"For one night, you were that someone," she whispered quietly.
"And what good is there for you?"
"I left when I started feeling attracted to you, because I didn't want to risk being the 'other woman' who finished your marriage. The good will come if I've helped you realize you have to go back and put things right."
"Well, I'm going back," he said, now dressed and pulling on his jacket. "But it's not entirely up to me what happens next."- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
As Mamoru walked back toward the palace, a gray-clothed phantom who wasn't truly there observed. Though she considered herself aloof and removed from the affairs of mortals, a single tear marred her cheek as she watched him walk away. She had never really been visible, but she faded away, leaving as always no trace of her presence.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Mamoru reached their bedchamber, only to find Usagi was not there. Not willing to lose a moment, he raced back out the door, hurriedly searching for his wife. He came outside just in time to see the royal hovercraft fly overhead, heading south.
"Oh, gods!" Mamoru gasped, looking in the direction where it had carried the woman he loved.
His heart feeling like it was trapped in ice, he turned and made his way almost blindly back to his study. He collapsed onto the couch in a stupor, fearing the worst. Finally, realizing he was putting himself into another fit of depression like the one which had gotten him into so much trouble the night before, he pulled himself to his feet. He returned to the royal suite, showered, and changed, then went down to his office, forcing himself to read the day's reports. Anything to keep his mind off what he had done.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Later that afternoon, Mamoru saw the royal hovercraft return. He made himself wait forty-five minutes, then went back upstairs. He found Usagi sitting on the edge of their bed, her head bowed and her shoulders slumped forward.
"Usako?" he called, quietly closing the door.
"Mamo-chan!" she gasped, a flash of happiness appearing briefly in her eyes, before being replaced by uncertainty.
They stood and faced each other awkwardly, both wanting desperately to embrace tightly, but each holding back with their memories of the recent past.
"Mamo-chan," she repeated, taking a step forward.
"Usako, please," he said. "I've been a fool. I never stopped to think about what you were feeling, and how badly you were hurting."
She looked up at him, about to say something herself, when he placed his finger to her lips.
"Another moment, please. There is something else I must tell you. I'm afraid it will hurt you deeply, but it will hurt even more if I don't tell you."
"What is it?"
"Last night, after our fight, I got drunk. Somehow I managed to find my way to Setsuna's home. Seeing my condition, she took me in."
"Why should that be a problem?" Usagi asked. "She's always been very caring, and you've mentioned your friendship."
"That's not it. At least that's not all of it," he told her. "I was drunk and hurting terribly. She's been alone for as long as she can remember, never knowing real love."
Usagi looked up at him, a faint chill forming inside her, and being haunted by a vague, inexplicable sense of deja vu.
He saw it in her eyes, and felt a knife twisting slowly in his heart. "We were each so overcome by our respective pain, that we... lost control." His voice was barely a whisper.
Usagi clenched her eyes shut. For some reason, Ami's face flashed through her mind. 'No. He's talking about Setsuna,' she told herself. Her heart ached terribly. Though she couldn't remember clearly, she was certain it couldn't have hurt this much when he had broken up with her all those years ago. "You slept with her?"
"Yes," he said, his head hanging in shame. "We had sex."
"Oh, gods!" she cried, her voice choked with anguish as she turned away from him.
"Usako, please. I know I've hurt you..."
"Hurt me?! You've betrayed our marriage!" she screamed. "All those times you told me I was the only woman for you, that whatever happened we'd spend eternity together? Is this what you meant? Get drunk, find a fellow orphan and tumble into bed?"
"Usako..."
"Don't you dare!" she cried, tears filling her eyes. "Get out." She stepped forward and slapped him across the face. "Get out of my sight, Chiba Mamoru!"
He turned and headed for the door. "I'm so sorry," he whispered.
"Get out!" she screamed, as the door closed. She paused for a breath. "I wish I'd never met you!" she sobbed.
Suddenly the memories flooded back in on her of their earlier break up, just after Chibi-Usa had appeared in the past. She remembered clearly how her world had seemed to completely fall apart, and just how devastated she had been without him. She slumped onto the bed.
"Oh, Mamo-chan!" she moaned, tears streaming down her face. Continuing to cry his name hysterically, she buried her face in a pillow.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Torn up inside, Mamoru wandered aimlessly around the palace for over an hour. Finally feeling sufficiently in control of his feelings, he stopped in to visit Small Lady.
"Daddy! I'm glad to see you," the little girl cried, throwing herself into his embrace.
"How's my little girl?" he asked.
"Fine," she said. She noticed the look of his face. "Are you sad, Daddy?"
"No, of course not," he said. "I just had a hard day."
She looked up at him, then grinned, knowing how to make her father smile. "Tell me a story, Daddy. Please. A story about Sailor Moon."
His heart ached at the mention of Sailor Moon, but he put on a brave face and sat down on the floor with his daughter.
"Well, as you know, Sailor Moon is the great champion of love and justice," he said. "And she was fighting to save the Earth from the evil witch who had destroyed the Moon Kingdom a thousand years before. But the witch was verrrry powerful, and verrrry dangerous."
The little girl giggled as he waved his hands theatrically, and widened his eyes.
"The witch had even captured Sailor Moon's beloved prince and turned him against Sailor Moon as a slave." He paused for a moment. "And if she'd had the chance, she would have tortured a little pink haired girl... with a merciless tickling!" He lunged forward and started tickling her.
She rolled up into a fetal position, trying unsuccessfully to protect herself, laughing and squealing uncontrollably.
"But, fortunately for our Small Lady," he said, sitting back up. "Sailor Moon faced the evil witch. Thanks to the bravery of the other Senshi, Sailor Moon reached the dark cave where the evil witch lived. The witch was certain her moment of triumph was at hand and she would awaken the terrible demon who would destroy the Earth."
"But Sailor Moon was there," Small Lady said.
"That's right. But when Sailor Moon entered deep into the cave, she found her prince standing to defend the witch. Sailor Moon turned the healing power of her crystal on her prince..." He paused as Small Lady's eyes grew wide, then frowned. "But the evil witch's spell was too strong." Mamoru squeezed Small Lady's hand reassuringly. "The witch ordered the prince to attack Sailor Moon. Again and again he struck her, but she refused to fight back. Finally, she seemed beaten, and the prince stepped forward to take her crystal."
"But the prince wasn't really bad," Small Lady said.
He nodded, then raised his hand sharply. "Suddenly, Sailor Moon flung her tiara at her prince, sending him to the ground in pain. She held out her hand to him, holding a locket she had first given him a long time before. As he touched it, Sailor Moon's love for her prince destroyed the evil witch's spell."
"Yaaay!!" the little girl cheered.
"Now the evil witch was verrry angry," he told her. "And she threw a long, sharp spear at Sailor Moon and the prince. But the prince pushed Sailor Moon out of the way and injured the witch. The prince was hurt too badly to fight any more, and Sailor Moon had to go on alone, because the witch had escaped."
Small Lady looked up at him, completely enthralled.
"The witch knew Sailor Moon could beat her, so she awoke the demon and took its power. This made the witch very powerful. More powerful than she had ever been before. Sailor Moon turned the power of her crystal on the witch, but it wasn't enough."
"Oh, no," Small Lady gasped.
"But Sailor Moon had a secret weapon," he said, giving the girl a sly wink. "Sailor Moon loved her prince and all her friends. The evil witch didn't know anything about this; didn't know what love could do. The other Senshi all knew Sailor Moon loved them and gladly joined their power with hers."
Mamoru paused, feeling something in his own heart.
"They knew Sailor Moon would never give up. Now armed with their powers and their love, and her love for her prince, Sailor Moon let her crystal glow so bright that the evil witch couldn't look at it any more. The crystal's power of good and love washed over the whole world, destroying the evil witch, and healing those who had been hurt by her. And Sailor Moon returned home to be a happy young girl once more."
"Daddy! I liked that story," she said, hugging him tightly.
"I liked it too," he said, nodding, his thoughts focused on his wife.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Mamoru softly entered their bedchamber, finding Usagi still sobbing on the bed. She turned to look as he sat down beside her, his hands quickly coming up to caress her shoulders.
"Usako, I'm so sorry," he whispered. "Our daughter has helped me remember a very pretty young sailor senshi who defied both death and an evil witch to rescue her prince. If our love can survive death, it can survive this."
She turned to look at him, a faint smile on her lips. Looking into her eyes, he saw a glimmer of happiness, but also a faint uncertainty. A chill passed through him as he understood. He had lost her trust.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Three weeks later, Setsuna waited in her bathroom. Overdue for her period, she had nearly panicked. Calming down, she obtained a home pregnancy test, and awaited the results. She stared numbly at the strip, which indicated unmistakably positive. Disposing of the test, she walked back into her living room.
"This is a matter of fate, and of critical importance to Earth's destiny," a voice said from behind her.
Setsuna wheeled in surprise. "Onee-san! So! You were behind all of this!"
"No," the phantom said quietly.
"Liar!" Setsuna screamed. "You've been using us all like pawns on a chessboard!"
In a fit of rage, Setsuna seized a table lamp and hurled it at the figure. It passed through the phantom, shattering against the wall.
"Get out of my life, you heartless bitch! I could never be like you are, and I hope you will be cursed for all eternity!" Setsuna cried.
The phantom began to slowly fade away. "This was not my doing, Setsuna. You simply do not understand," her voice echoed softly in the room.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Two weeks," Mamoru had said. "We take two weeks off, just you and me, to put our relationship back together."
A trace of pain still showed in her eyes, but she knew she couldn't bear to lose him. "Alright," she had agreed.
They had left Chibi-Usa and the affairs of state in the care of the inner Senshi, and retreated to a mountain hide-away.
"I'm feeling so much better already," she said softly, as they walked along a path, enjoying the scenery.
"So am I," he said, pausing to kiss her cheek. "Thank you, Usako. Thank you for agreeing to this."
She pressed herself tightly against him, feeling his arms fold around her. "Oh, yes," she sighed happily. "I love you so much. I can't live without you."
"And I can't live without you," he replied from the depths of his heart.
They stood together for several minutes, no sound but their own breathing heard over the calming music of nature around them.
"Oh, Mamo-chan," she whispered. "I'm so sorry for everything."
"Sorry for what?"
"Sorry for everything we've put ourselves through. So much of it was my fault," she said softly, tears forming in her eyes.
"I think both of us must share equally in that too," he told her, caressing her cheek lightly.
"I was so scared. So afraid," she said, her voice choked with emotion. "Everyone looked to me like I could do anything. And then we had a wonderful daughter. And I was terrified of messing it up, scared that I couldn't do it right."
"You've done fine," he said.
"Have I? I'm not strong and brave like you are," she insisted. "You seem to be strong and brave so naturally. But me? I'm just here because some mistake of fate gave me the crystal."
"It was no mistake," he whispered soothingly. "And you are the strongest, bravest, most wonderful person I have ever known."
"I don't feel that way," she said. "I feel like I'm still fourteen, tripping over my own feet and always running behind."
He shook his head. "No. You've grown into a beautiful woman, inside and out. And even back then, you were so much stronger and braver than you ever gave yourself credit for. Every threat we've faced over the years, we would have lost without you, my love."
She pressed herself against him once more. "Just hold me, please. I need to feel you there."
"And I need to feel you, Usako, to know that I haven't lost you through my own stupidity."
They stood together quietly.
"Let's head back to the house," he suggested. "I'd like to hold you close in a different way, my love."
Looking up into his eyes, comprehension slowly dawned. "Why, sir, I do believe you are suggesting making advances on your queen," she said, pretending to be shocked.
"No, no, my lady. Only a loyal subject who wishes to show his deepest, truest loyalty," he said. "And your husband who wants to share some much needed affection with the woman he loves more than anything."
"Oh, Mamo-chan," she sighed happily. Suddenly a grin formed on her lips and a sparkle in her eyes. "Race you!" she said, sprinting away down the path.
"Now you are really in for it, Usako!" he called, running after her.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The king and queen walked into the palace, holding hands, and exchanging soft glances with all the emotion of young lovers.
"Welcome home you two lovebirds," Minako said.
"It's nice to see you both looking so happy," Mako added.
"Yes. Things are much, much better," Usagi said with a smile.
"Mommy! Daddy!" Small Lady cried, emerging between the legs of the Senshi and throwing herself into her mother's embrace. "I'm so glad you're home."
"Did you miss us," Mamoru asked her.
"Oh, yes, Daddy," the little girl said.
"Hey! We had fun with our girls night," Rei reminded Small Lady.
Small Lady nodded.
"And she has her mother's love of chocolate!" said Minako. "Get her started, and mmpph."
Rei quickly covered Minako's mouth, while Mako nudged her in the ribs.
"Somebody let her pig out on chocolate?" Usagi asked with a frown.
"Nice going," Mako hissed at Minako.
"You could at least have waited until I got back," Usagi finished, now grinning.
The others burst out laughing, while Mamoru hugged his wife.
"Where's Ami?" Usagi asked.
"She said she'd see you later. I think she had to see a patient," Minako answered.
Usagi nodded.
"Now that you two are back, here is the appointment list," Rei said, handing it over.
Usagi and Mamoru both glanced over the long list on the data pad.
"We have ministers, do we not?" Usagi asked, in her most regal manner.
"Yes, of course," Rei answered, slightly taken aback.
"Then you may tell them that the Queen and the King desire that more of the responsibilities of government should be shared," she decreed. After a pause, Usagi giggled and hugged Mamoru's arm. "Besides, I want more of him to myself."
"It is my pleasure to obey, my queen," he said softly.
"Oh, brother!" Rei sighed. "I see you two are fully back to your old selves."
"Come on, Rei," Minako said. "It's sweet. And it's much better than them fighting."
"Absolutely!" Usagi agreed emphatically.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Setsuna, now about four-and-a-half months along, reluctantly decided to return to Crystal Tokyo, knowing that she needed medical assistance to be certain her pregnancy was progressing fine.
A knock brought Dr. Mizuno Ami to the door of her private clinic.
"Setsuna," she exclaimed in surprise. With a glance, Ami's professional eye noticed what Setsuna's baggy clothes could still conceal from most. "Come in, please. How far along are you?"
"About four, four-and-a-half months," Setsuna answered.
"Have you seen a doctor before this?" Ami asked.
"No. But I know I should," she said. "But I need a favor, please. I can't tell the others about this, and especially not the king and the queen."
Ami felt a surprisingly strong degree of concern swell within her for Setsuna's situation. "But they will be concerned about you."
"Please," Setsuna insisted. "Please. I can't burden them with this."
Ami hesitated, then nodded. "Alright. Let's have a look at you."
She performed the examinations and tests swiftly and with a professional's assuredness.
"I don't suppose you'd care to tell me who the father is?" Ami asked.
Setsuna just sat there silently.
"Didn't think so," Ami said quietly.
Ami reviewed the results, and sat down next to Setsuna.
"Well, you're right about how far along you are. And everything seems to be going just fine. In a few more months, you should have a healthy baby girl," Ami said.
"A girl?" Setsuna asked, pausing a moment as her attention seemed to drift away. "Somehow, I think I already knew that."
Ami simply nodded. "But I still want you to have regular check-ups. If you don't feel comfortable coming in to see me, then I can recommend someone outside the city."
Setsuna shook her head. "No. I'd rather come to you," she said. "But we have to keep this private. Please don't tell anybody."
Ami hesitated again. "Alright," she agreed.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Just over four months later, a hovercraft pulled up in front of Ami's clinic. Ami was already there, alerted by a message on her communicator. She opened the door and helped Setsuna out of the vehicle. The way in which Setsuna was clutching her swollen abdomen and grimacing told Ami all she needed to know. Ami was about to ask the driver for help when the hovercraft sped away.
"Let's get you inside," Ami said.
She guided Setsuna in and helped her lie down. Ami and a nurse then prepared everything they would need.
"Now, this part still has to be done the old fashioned way, Setsuna," Ami said. "Conserve your strength, and only push when I tell you."
Setsuna nodded.
"You're doing fine," Ami assured her, glancing at the monitors periodically.
"You sure the pain-killer is working?" Setsuna asked through clenched teeth.
Ami smiled sympathetically. "Sorry. That's something I've worked on, but if I dope you out any more, you won't be able to help me. You're very close now."
In a few minutes more, it was done. Ami carefully cut the cord, wrapped the little girl in a blanket, and placed her on Setsuna's chest.
"Hey, little girl. That's your mommy," Ami cooed softly. "Congratulations, Setsuna. You did fine, and your daughter is looking perfectly healthy."
"Thank you, Ami," Setsuna said, her eyes focused in wonder on the little baby in her arms.
Once more, Ami felt a strange swelling of emotion within herself as she watched Setsuna and her baby.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The hovercraft carried Setsuna and her daughter, Hotaru, away from the city. Setsuna had managed to avoid the royal family and the other Senshi, and wasn't about to push her luck any further. She would stay away for at least several months, so that Hotaru's birthdate, and more critically, her approximate date of conception, would not be so readily apparent.
Behind her on the craft sat another woman. Like Setsuna, she was tall, with long dark hair. She had observed Setsuna board the craft with Hotaru. 'All is going as it should,' the phantom told herself. For once, she had not even had to seriously intervene to keep destiny on track, only needing to interfere slightly with the perceptions of Rei and Setsuna to keep them from having premonitions of Small Lady's riding accident. The phantom sighed softly as emotion, a trace of her long ago discarded humanity washed through her.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
In Crystal Tokyo, it was a bright sunny day. A pink-haired little girl skipped happily through a park, with her parents following close behind, walking hand-in-hand.
"I love you so much, Usako," Mamoru whispered.
"And I love you," she responded, meeting his lips for a kiss.