That Special Magic
-by: the Yarnspinner-
the_yarnspinner@yahoo.com
http://strands-of-moonlight.my3gb.com
-or- http://strands-of-moonlight.6te.net
A Sekkushiaru Roman
featuring characters from the anime "Sailor Moon"> Chapter 19 - Shock and Acceptance <
Shiro and Naomi were just leaving when Mamoru suddenly sensed Usagi's emotions through their link. He gasped for breath and fingers of ice seemed to close around his heart.
"Usako!" he cried, running back into the house. "Usako?"
Hearing no response to his call, he hurried upstairs. The bathroom door was closed, and his senses told him she was there. As he leaned close to the door, he heard the muffled sounds of her crying.
"Usako?" he called again, beginning to open the door.
He stepped into the bathroom, finding her crouched on the floor, her entire body trembling as she sobbed. As he moved closer, he could tell she had been sick. He reached out to place a hand on her shoulder, when he saw the pregnancy test box sitting beside the sink. An involuntary shiver swept through him, and a knot of anxiety began to form in his stomach. He knelt beside her.
"Are you OK, my love?" he asked softly.
She glanced up at him, her face pale and her eyes red, looking utterly miserable, and still crying uncontrollably. Her eyes remained unfocused, and she turned away.
He placed a hand on her shoulder, but felt her flinch, and pulled his hand back. Glancing back at the counter, he saw the pregnancy test stick sitting there. From her reaction, he could guess what the result was. Immediately, he cursed himself for not being more careful, for letting this happen. His thoughts again tormented him with just how young she still was, and how unprepared.
"Usako, I'm so sorry," he said softly. "Are you alright?"
She looked at him once more, then rose to her feet. He reached out with a hand, but she slapped it away, stumbling into their bedroom, where she fell onto the bed and buried her head in the pillow. Following her into the bedroom, he sat down beside her.
"Go away," she sobbed. "I just want to be alone!"
His insides knotted up still more as he heard the pain in her voice, blaming himself for every bit of pain she was suffering.
"Usako, please," he whispered. "Please. Let's talk. Don't hold it all in."
She pressed her face deeper into the pillow, still sobbing. He reached over and placed his hand on her shoulder.
"Usako..."
She rolled over and slapped his arm. "Talk?!" she cried. "What's there to talk about?!... It's all been done!... And now... now..." Her entire body shook as her sobs again grew more intense, and she pressed her face back into the pillow.
"This was all my fault," he said softly.
She glared at him. "I know enough about it to know it took both of us," she declared, her voice shaking. "Don't you try to say I had no part in it."
"But Usako," he protested.
Her loud sobbing cut him off, and she buried her head in the pillow once more.
"You're right," he said. "It did take both of us... and now this is something we have to face together, Usako... I love you, more than anything... and I couldn't even think of not being with you."
"But I don't want to face this!" she cried. "I'm only fourteen! I'm not supposed to get pregnant so young! I'm not ready!"
"I know," he said, his voice soft and choked with emotion. "You're absolutely right... You shouldn't have to face this yet..." He hesitated, deeply uncomfortable with what he was about to suggest, but knowing he had to at least let her know the possibility was there. "And if you decide you're not ready... that you don't want to face this... there is that... option."
"Oh, gods!" she moaned. "I can't handle this!... Not any of it!"
She lay there, still sobbing. She wished that this would prove to be just a bad dream, that she would wake up to find him sleeping beside her and herself most definitely not pregnant. Yet as much as she longed for this not to be real, she also knew that what was growing inside her was a part of herself and of him. Only losing him could possibly be more unbearable to her than throwing that away.
He ran his hand gently over her back. "I'm not trying to suggest that you should do that," he said. "Only that the option is there... And that I will support you in anything."
"You expect me to take primary responsibility for that sort of decision?" she asked tersely.
"It's a fact of gender, I'm afraid, Usako," he replied. "You're the one who will have to carry the developing child. That fact means your say has to outweigh mine."
Her breath was growing short, both from anxiety and from her intense crying. She gasped for breath, and turned her head away from him, unable to bear thinking about it any more.
He continued to run his hand over her back. "I love you, Usako... more than anything," he whispered. "I never wanted it to be this way... I never wanted this to happen until we were both ready for it..." He fell silent, looking at her lying there, her sobs now less intense. "But I still want to spend the rest of my life with you... I couldn't bear not being with you."
"I couldn't bear not being with you, Mamo-chan," she said, her voice still weak and unsteady. "But I just can't deal with this..."
He leaned down and embraced her. "You don't have to deal with it alone, Usako... You'll never have to deal with it alone," he said. "I'll always be here for you."
She nodded slightly, as sobs continued to well up from within her. As she lay there, she felt utterly drained, yet unable to stop the tears that flowed from her. Her entire life was about to change, and she would have no control over that.
He sat there, still blaming himself for this. Seeing how distraught she was, he knew she was not ready for this. Regardless of how much she might have matured recently, she was entirely correct that she was too young for this. He shook his head softly. Their relationship had been so good for both of them, but he would never have wished for this to happen until they were older and were married.
Once again he ran his hand over her back. As he did so, his thoughts turned to the idea of a new life developing within her, which was a part of both of them. Suddenly, he recalled the prophecy Serenity and Endymion had apparently failed to correctly decipher.
"When Earth and Moon are made one by love..." he recalled, his voice barely a whisper.
She turned to look at him. "What?"
Before he could say anything, a silver glow filled the room, soon taking the form of Queen Serenity. Usagi sat up and wiped her eyes.
"Mother," Usagi said, her voice weak.
Queen Serenity moved closer to them, a kind, loving smile on her face.
Mamoru shifted position uncomfortably. "Your Majesty... I deeply regret..."
"Please, Mamoru," Queen Serenity interrupted him. "You have no cause to express regret to me."
A look of surprise formed on Mamoru's face. "I don't understand."
Queen Serenity shook her head. "You do yourself a disservice, young prince. You have correctly interpreted the ancient prophecy."
"He has?" Usagi asked. "What does it mean?"
"The Earth and the Moon have just been made one, by our love," he said.
Usagi's eyes went wide. "You mean...?"
"That is correct, my daughter," Queen Serenity said.
Usagi leaned back and gasped for breath. "Oh, gods! This can't be, Mother! I'm too young for this!"
Queen Serenity placed her hand on Usagi's hand. "Please, Usagi. Please calm down," she said. "You may be young, but you are not too young. And what is happening is what needs to happen."
"I don't understand," Usagi said.
"This is what should have happened a thousand years ago," Queen Serenity explained. "The child you carry fulfills the prophecy, bringing the merging of Earth and Moon that is necessary to defeat the Dark Kingdom, as well as providing for your own future to continue the ancient royal line."
"So I have to give up my life as an ordinary teenage girl for some prophecy?" Usagi asked.
"No, Usagi. You don't have to," Queen Serenity said. "You've never had to. You were perfectly free to say no to this at any point. You could have said no when Luna first found you. But I think you will agree that you are not one to abandon the people you love."
"No, I'm not," she agreed, her voice hushed and hesitant.
"Your Majesty, you said this should have happened a thousand years ago?" Mamoru asked.
"That is correct," Queen Serenity confirmed. "But Princess Serenity and Prince Endymion used a magical form of contraception. Since they failed to realize the true meaning of the prophecy, they did not know that they had defeated it themselves. Thus, when I sent my people into the future, I had to set the necessary conditions that the prophecy could still be fulfilled."
"Is that why the thought of contraceptives never occurred to either of us?" Mamoru asked. "Was that part of your conditioning?"
"No, Mamoru. It was not," Queen Serenity answered calmly. "I would never resort to such measures. That is the way of Beryl, queen of the Dark Kingdom. I always respected my people's rights to free will too much to do such a thing."
"Then how did it happen?" Mamoru asked. "It should have at least occurred to me, since I've been through several classes that included discussion of contraception and safe sex."
"Ironically, Mamoru, I believe that resulted from memories of your past lives, even if you weren't fully aware of them," Queen Serenity answered.
"What do you mean?" Usagi asked.
"In this era, contraceptives require some degree of active effort," Queen Serenity explained. "Either a barrier device must be applied, or a hormone treatment must be taken at regular intervals. But in the era of the Silver Millennium, that was not the case. The magic used by Princess Serenity and Prince Endymion was part of a broader protection against disease. They would have had to make an effort to remove that protection in order to conceive. Thus, they could take it for granted."
"And because they never gave it a thought, you're saying we did the same," Mamoru completed. "Even though we didn't remember anything about our past lives yet."
"That is correct, Mamoru," Queen Serenity said. "Although, you in your dreams remembered more than perhaps you were fully aware. But in any case, it is true that your past selves did not give thought to contraception, and neither did you."
Usagi shook her head, still confused. "But how does my being pregnant fulfill this prophecy?" she asked. "I thought the Senshi and I were supposed to defeat the Dark Kingdom."
"You are," Queen Serenity said. "But in becoming pregnant, you and Mamoru have combined considerable amounts of your energies, and it is those combined energies that you will need to defeat them."
"But I'm having trouble transforming into Sailor Moon," Usagi protested.
Queen Serenity nodded. "That is a side-effect of your pregnancy, my daughter. Your body cannot handle the strain of that transformation. Soon, you will not be able to transform into Sailor Moon at all. However, you can still assume your princess form, and in this form you will continue the struggle against the Dark Kingdom."
"What about the safety of the baby?" Mamoru asked.
"The ginzuishou will protect both Usagi and the baby from any real harm," Queen Serenity said.
"But I still feel too young!" Usagi objected. "I'm not ready for this! I'm not ready to have a baby!"
Queen Serenity moved still closer. "I don't like this any more than you do, my daughter," she said softly. "My deepest wish was for you to be able to live a normal, peaceful life. I did everything possible to seal the Dark Kingdom away from our universe, but I'm afraid those efforts have failed. That means you and the Sailor Senshi are the only ones who can stop them. I wish there was another way... but there isn't. I know this asks a great deal of you, my dear, but I also know you are capable of handling it."
"I wish I had your confidence, Mother," Usagi muttered.
"But you don't have to face this alone, Usako," Mamoru reminded her
She nodded slowly, still trying to come to grips with all this. Suddenly her eyes went wide. "Oh, gods!" she gasped. "What about Mom and Daddy? He's going to go ballistic!... And they might not let me see you anymore, Mamo-chan."
"That's entirely possible," Mamoru said in a hushed voice. "Your mom has been very understanding and tolerant so far, but this has to be more than she'd be willing to accept."
Usagi turned to Queen Serenity. "What happens if they do ground me and forbid me to see Mamoru? How can I possibly help the Senshi? And there's no way I can handle this without Mamo-chan's help."
Queen Serenity nodded with understanding. "You do have to tell them about this. There is no possibility that you could conceal this from them."
"And trying to hide it would only make things worse," Mamoru added.
"Very true," Queen Serenity agreed, her gaze drifting away thoughtfully. "And we certainly do not want that to happen."
Usagi looked at her. "Are you planning something, Mother?"
Queen Serenity looked back at her. "Nothing like that. I would never directly intervene," she said. "I was just considering how you might approach them."
"Being open and responsible about it seems like the best way," Mamoru suggested. "We'll just have to accept that they're not going to be happy with it, but do our best to demonstrate that we're committed to facing this together."
Usagi looked dubious. "Do you really think that will be enough?"
"It's the best we can do," Mamoru said.
"I must agree," said Queen Serenity. "I'm afraid I don't have much to suggest. I'm sure I would have had some concern about Princess Serenity's youth, but I knew Endymion was a most exemplary young man, and that it was meant to happen. Your parents in this era can only react within the bounds of their understanding and the accepted standards of this era."
"And part of those standards is that a girl my age is too young for this," Usagi pointed out.
"But it does happen," Mamoru reminded her gently.
Usagi shook her head. "Daddy's going to have a fit when he learns he's going to be a grandfather."
Mamoru leaned close to her. "Is he going to become a grandfather?" he asked, his voice soft and low.
She took a slow breath, then nodded. "I couldn't end it," she said. "This is our child, Mamo-chan. Yours and mine."
"But you said you weren't ready for this," he reminded her.
"I know... and I'm not," she replied. "I wish this had never happened... but I wouldn't want to change my relationship with you, Mamo-chan... and you're the only person I would want it to happen with."
He embraced her and kissed her. "You're the only one for me, my love."
"But what about you?" Usagi asked softly. "Are you ready to be a father?"
He smiled at her. "I think so... especially since it is our child," he said. "I love you so much, and even though I am still a bit concerned that it's happened so soon, I really do like the idea of making a family with you."
"Oh, Mamo-chan," she sighed. "As long as I have you with me, I think I can manage this."
"Well, I'm determined to remain with you, and help you every way I can. We're going to face this together, my love," he said. "And that's what we have to convey to your parents."
Queen Serenity smiled at them. "I am very proud of both of you. I know you will do very well together. And you both have my blessing."
"Thank you, Mother," Usagi said.
"Thank you, Your Majesty," Mamoru said.
Queen Serenity nodded, still smiling brightly, then faded from sight.
Mamoru turned his attention back to Usagi and kissed her softly. "I love you, Usako."
"I love you, Mamo-chan," she whispered.
"Are you sure about this?" he asked. "Really sure?"
"I'm sure I want to spend the rest of my life with you," she said. "And I know what I'm carrying is part of both of us, Mamo-chan. The more I think about that idea, the more I really like it... And I know I just couldn't bear to end that."
He kissed her again, and she embraced him tightly.
"But I need you with me," she added. "I'm sure I can't manage this without your help."
"I'm going to be with you," he assured her. "This is our child, and I'll help in every way I can."
"You make me so happy," she sighed.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It was early evening, and Mamoru was downstairs preparing dinner. With Usagi's stomach still unhappy with even the thought of food, she had transformed into her princess form, again finding it made the symptoms less severe. She lay on the bed with the ginzuishou softly glowing above her chest, letting its energy sweep through her in the hope that it would further alleviate her upset stomach.
As she lay there, eyes closed, her thoughts kept returning to how they were going to tell her parents, and her apprehension about how they might react. She kept picturing them both growing very upset over the news, and angrily forbidding her to see Mamoru again. Her breath grew short and icy fingers seemed to close around her heart.
"Oh, please!" she whispered, to no one in particular. "I wish they would understand... that they will see that we love each other and can handle this together... that they'll see I need to be with him to get through this... that they will accept this and be happy for us..."
As she spoke, the ginzuishou's glow increased and energy began to pulse from it, but she took no notice.
Suddenly, a bright silver glow appeared beside her on the bed, coalescing into the small form of Queen Serenity.
"Serenity!... I mean, Usagi," Queen Serenity called, a stern expression on her face.
Usagi's eyes opened in surprise and she turned to look at Queen Serenity, confused.
"Mother?"
"What do you think you're doing?" Queen Serenity demanded.
"What? I don't understand," Usagi said.
Queen Serenity took a breath, then gestured toward the still glowing ginzuishou. "My dear, it appears there is much you yet do not know about the crystal's power," she explained. "Just now, you made what you thought was a harmless wish... but the crystal has taken that wish and transformed it into reality."
Usagi gasped in shock. "You mean... they now will accept my pregnancy... because the crystal has made things that way?"
"That is correct," Queen Serenity replied.
"Oh, gods! What about the wishes I've already made that this problem would go away?" Usagi asked.
Queen Serenity shook her head. "The crystal will not terminate your pregnancy, nor even harm the child. Quite the contrary, its power will protect you both."
Usagi breathed a sigh of relief.
"The most the crystal might do for that request is to lessen some of the discomfort you're experiencing," Queen Serenity added. "But in most of the instances when you've made that wish, you had not summoned and activated the crystal."
"But this wish... the crystal has made real?"
Queen Serenity nodded. "You must be more careful, my daughter. The crystal is tremendously powerful. It is now yours, and it will respond to your wishes. To impose your will on others in such a manner goes against our most basic beliefs, and it is a violation of the rights of others."
Usagi stared at Queen Serenity, stunned and appalled, and trying to think this through. "But what can I do?" she asked. "If I ask the crystal to just undo the wish, wouldn't that mean they would no longer accept it? What if trying to correct this mistake takes things to the other extreme... just makes things worse?"
The small figure floated beside her silently. "There is no easy answer to this problem, I'm afraid," Queen Serenity finally said. "That is why you must be so very careful with how you use the crystal. You must carefully consider this situation. Your parents in this era now will accept your relationship and your pregnancy, just as you wished, but you now know it is not by their own free choice."
Usagi's eyes dropped away from Queen Serenity's stern, piercing gaze, feeling herself torn by what she had unwittingly done. "But Mother, can you help me? Can you suggest a possible solution? Please? I don't want to be manipulating them, but I also can't bear to have them oppose my relationship with Mamoru."
"I cannot solve this situation for you," Queen Serenity said softly. "You wish to undo this, but without changing their attitude toward your relationship. That will require great care on your part, Usagi. The crystal gives you great power, but you cannot anticipate the full scope of its effects."
"So... I could easily make things worse," Usagi said. "But if I just leave things like this, they'll accept my relationship, but I'll know it's largely because the crystal made them do it."
"That is true," Queen Serenity said.
Usagi nodded dejectedly. "I need to think about this," she said softly. "And I need to tell Mamo-chan about it."
"I think that is a wise move, my daughter," Queen Serenity said. "I will leave you now, but please be more careful with the crystal."
"Thank you, Mother," Usagi said.
Queen Serenity nodded as the glow around her grew brighter, before she faded away.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Usagi, still in the form of the princess, entered the kitchen. Her stomach grew a little queasy at the smell of the food, but nowhere near as bad as it had been before.
"Usako. I was just about to call you," Mamoru said. "How are you feeling?"
"Better," she said. "But we need to talk, Mamo-chan."
"Alright," he said. "Do you feel up to more than soup? I can offer you a little bit of the stew if you would like. It's very mild."
"OK. I'll try a little," she said, sitting down.
He nodded, placing a bowl of broth in front of her, then serving her a small portion of the stew. Filling a bowl of stew for himself, he then sat down and poured tea for both of them.
"What did you want to talk about, my love?" he asked.
"Well... I was using the crystal to try to minimize my stomach trouble," she said. "And while I was lying on the bed, I was thinking about telling my parents that I'm pregnant... and I just idly wished that they would understand and would accept all this."
"That sounds understandable," he said.
"Queen Serenity appeared, and was rather upset," she continued. "She said the crystal had responded to my wish... and had made it real."
Mamoru looked at her in surprise. "You mean...?"
She nodded. "The crystal's energy has made it so that they will be fully accepting of this."
He placed his spoon down and leaned back. "The crystal does this with all your wishes?"
"No," she said. "I have to have activated it first, and there are some limitations, but in most cases it will. Queen Serenity said I have to be very careful."
"So... what about your parents?"
"That's the problem," she said. "I had no idea the crystal could do that... and if I just tell it to undo the wish, there's no guarantee it will return things to precisely the way they were before."
"You mean if you undo full acceptance, we might be left not with toleration but complete disapproval."
"That's it exactly," she said. "And Mother confirmed that is a very real possibility. She said there is no easy solution to this."
"Yes, I understand," he said, his voice subdued. "So what do we do about this?"
She shook her head. "I don't know... I just don't know. I mean, I love the thought that they'll be fully accepting of this, but not like this. I hate the idea that it will be because of the crystal's magic. But at the same time, I'm scared to undo it... I'm terrified that we'll go home to find them both completely opposed to us even seeing each other... and there's no way I can handle this without your help, Mamo-chan."
He leaned over and kissed her softly. "I know just what you mean, Usako. I couldn't bear not to be with you as you go through this... But we'll figure something out."
"I hope so, Mamo-chan. More than anything, I hope so," she whispered.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
After dinner, they stood together in the dimly lit living room. Soft music came from the stereo, and they swayed together with the music. Her flowing gown shimmered as the ginzuishou glowed softly, floating just above her chest.
He leaned closer and kissed her. "You are so incredibly beautiful, my princess," he whispered. "And I love you so much."
"I love you, my prince, more than anything," she sighed.
He ran his hand gently along her cheek, caressing her soft, smooth flesh. As he looked down into her large blue eyes, and saw the glow of her crescent moon, he sighed with joy and contentment. Never had he been so exquisitely happy, and despite how young they both were, he found himself genuinely thrilled that they were going make a family together. She smiled up at him and he kissed her again.
"Mamo-chan, this is so wonderful," she said, her voice soft and filled with happiness.
"Yes, it is," he agreed.
Her heart warmed with joy as he held her close. He was her lover and soul-mate, and they were going to spend the rest of their lives together. She loved him more than anything. Now, their child was growing within her womb, a product of their love. Though she had earlier been completely overwhelmed by the idea, she now found herself incredibly happy, knowing with certainty that, like the rest of their relationship, this too had been blessed by the fates.
"I'm really glad this happened, Mamo-chan," she said. "I just love the idea that I'm carrying our child."
"Are you sure?" he asked, but feeling much the same. "Being pregnant can be a pretty trying experience, I'm told, and perhaps more so since you're so young."
"I'm sure," she said. "I wasn't earlier. I was really scared. But now, I know this is a part of our love, and that it is entirely right."
He held her more tightly in his embrace and kissed her. The increased maturity she so often displayed with him demonstrated just what an incredible woman she was becoming. "This is a part of our love," he agreed. "And I love you more than anything."
The crystal's glow grew brighter as he held her close. "I wish my parents could understand this," she sighed. "I don't want to manipulate them, but I just want them to understand, so they could see how much we love each other and how much we need to be together. Then they'd see there's no reason to object to this."
Energy pulsed around them for several seconds, before the crystal's glow faded to normal.
"You did it again, Usako," he said softly. "But do you really think this one is an improvement?"
"What do you mean? I'm trying not to manipulate their response."
"But in a way, you still are," he said. "You're still specifying the outcome you want to see."
"Don't you want it too?" she asked.
"Of course I do. But that's not the point. Just like you, I'm uncomfortable with the idea of using the crystal's power that way."
"So what do I do?" she asked. "I can't just keep trying this over and over... And as much as I might like to just undo those wishes, I don't dare take that chance."
He nodded. "That's our dilemma. We have to either take that risk, or know that the crystal's power has manipulated your parents."
She leaned against him and sighed. "This one is really difficult."
"I know," he said. "Important decisions usually are. And we may not find a really clear, completely satisfying solution, but we still have some time yet, so let's take time to think this through carefully."
"Alright," she agreed softly.
He kissed her, holding her in his arms, and they continued to gently sway with the music.< To be continued >
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NOTE: Thanks again to everyone who has responded with feedback.Always remember, good gentles, that a yarnspinner works from and within existing legends and stories. The characters of "Sailor Moon" belong to others. In spinning my yarns, I do not seek to infringe on their rights of ownership, but merely to join with other fans to spread the legend still further. "The moonlight carries a message of love." Enjoy.
-10.05.2001