That Special Magic
-by: the Yarnspinner-
the_yarnspinner@yahoo.com
http://strands-of-moonlight.my3gb.com
-or- http://strands-of-moonlight.6te.net
A Sekkushiaru Roman
featuring characters from the anime "Sailor Moon"> Chapter 37 - Past and Present <
Atana struggled for breath as his emotions were in turmoil. Kara clung to him with obvious concern.
"Daddy," Kara called. "Are you alright?"
Visions of the past continued to wash over Atana, bringing back memories of him falling in love with the princess of Mars, their tremendous happiness together, their perhaps somewhat impulsive decision to have a child, the scandal that had resulted when she became pregnant, their joy at Kara's birth, and then the turmoil of the Dark Kingdom invasion, with her duty requiring her to take part in the defense of the Moon Kingdom. Both had known the chances were not good, and that he should take Kara and try to find safety.
Slowly, his eyes regained their focus, and he felt the insistent tugging at his hand.
"Daddy," Kara cried.
He looked down at her, then crouched and gave her a hug. "I'm sorry, honey. I didn't mean to worry you," he said softly in English.
As Atana held his daughter, he thought of Rei. It was her past self who was Kara's mother, but Rei had begun a new life. He remained torn.
"Are you alright, Atana-san?" Mamoru asked softly in Japanese.
"I feel like I've been hit by a truck," Atana murmured, also in Japanese.
Mamoru nodded. "I'm sorry about that. You've regained your memories?"
"Yes," Atana said softly. "Her mother... was... the princess of Mars."
"I thought so," Mamoru said quietly. "Are you going to tell her?" He nodded toward Kara.
Atana hesitated. "I don't know yet," he said. "I may not... at least not now."
"I don't understand," Mamoru said.
"Uhm, your friend... is still very young," Atana said, trying to keep his voice steady as he held Kara in his arms. "I loved her in her past life... but should that dictate her present life?"
"To some extent, it already has," Mamoru pointed out. "It has for all of us."
"Perhaps," Atana acknowledged. "But this would be a very major change for her... even just knowing about it. Do I have the right to put that sort of a burden on her? I don't think I could bear the thought that she was being pressured by all this."
"Do you really think she won't eventually remember the truth on her own?" Mamoru countered. "What happens then?"
Atana kissed Kara's cheek, then stood back up, still holding her hand. He looked at Mamoru, then nodded toward Kara. "She's not going to understand this yet. And she was already growing quite attached to her."
"Maybe your daughter has sensed it at some level," Mamoru suggested.
Atana nodded. "Perhaps... But I still have to think about what is best for her, and the fact remains that Rr, uhm, your friend... is still quite young."
"She wasn't much older when your daughter was born," Mamoru said.
Atana glanced over at Mamoru.
"That's right," Mamoru confirmed.
"Well, that may be true... but standards are a bit different now," Atana said. "We've all been living by the standards of this age... and she's too young to be a mother."
Mamoru looked at him quizzically. "Indeed?"
"Of course," Atana said. "I'm sure you'll agree a fourteen-year-old girl is too young for the responsibilities of motherhood."
Mamoru raised an eyebrow. "Ordinarily, yes," he said. "But there are exceptions even to that."
"What do you mean?"
"The Senshi are hardly ordinary girls," Mamoru said. "Like their past selves, they have had to mature much more quickly... The circumstances have required it."
"I don't deny she is mature for her age," Atana said. "But do you really think any of them are that mature."
"Yes," Mamoru said. "You see, Usagi and I are not only engaged... We're going to have a child of our own."
Atana looked at him in surprise. "I... wasn't aware of that."
Mamoru nodded. "There was a prophecy from the time of the Moon Kingdom. Our past selves were supposed to have conceived a child as a precondition for defeating the Dark Kingdom... But apparently they thought the prophecy meant only physical intimacy."
"And you assume that condition still holds?" Atana asked.
"We know it does," Mamoru said. "You see, Queen Serenity of the Moon still exists as a spirit... and she has appeared to Usagi and I several times. She explained that in sending us all to new lives in the future, she had deliberately established the conditions so that the prophecy could still be fulfilled."
"So... that's why you're having a child?"
Mamoru shook his head. "We didn't know the truth of the prophecy at that time... It actually was an accident, but we've both come to the conclusion that this is what we want."
Atana stared off into the distance, then nodded. "I remember... we thought the same thing back then... even though we knew it would cause quite a scandal... and we didn't have a prophecy saying we should."
"And did you have any regrets?"
"Of course not," Atana said. He glanced down at Kara. "She's the best thing to ever happen to me."
"And what happens when our friend remembers that as well?" Mamoru asked. "She already knows you were very much in love back then. Queen Serenity intended for each of the girls to again meet up with their loves from the past... and that extends even to you."
"Perhaps."
"And what about your daughter? I don't mean to be presumptuous, but she may need something too," Mamoru said.
Atana frowned. "I know... It's not fair that she lost her mother... but this is hardly a straightforward situation, you know. And I have to try to do what is best for her."
"Of course," Mamoru agreed.
"I mean, I know she has a need for a mother figure in her life, but..."
"Yes, a 'mother figure'," Mamoru said. "But not necessarily a mother... at least not right away. In fact, our friend may not be comfortable with the full responsibility of that right away... Perhaps you should consider just letting things develop slowly."
"I don't know,"Atana said softly, shaking his head.
"Well, it has to be your choice... but remember, both she and your daughter are involved in this," Mamoru said. "And you may need some company and support yourself."
Atana nodded. "We did get along remarkably well... but I'll have to give it some serious thought."
Kara looked up at her father and tugged on his hand. "Daddy?"
Atana looked down at her and smiled. "Yes, honey?"
"Can we go visit Rei now? Please?"
Mamoru raised an eyebrow, glancing over at Atana.
Atana hesitated. "Not right now, honey... I'm sure she's still in school... and we can't just drop by unannounced, honey. That would be very rude. She might have things to do."
"How about tomorrow?" Kara asked. "You could call her and ask."
"Ahm, we'll have to see about that," Atana said quietly. "As long as she is free, and we're not doing anything." He turned to notice a slight smirk on Mamoru's face. "I take it you're enjoying this," he said in Japanese. "Just wait until you have yours."
Mamoru smiled and nodded. "But I think your situation is a bit more urgent than you might have liked."
"Perhaps," Atana said ruefully, glancing back down at his daughter.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Usagi slipped into Mamoru's car, throwing her arms around him and kissing him. "I'm so happy to see you, Mamo-chan."
"I'm always happy to see you, my love," he said. "How was your day?"
"Not bad. Sakurada-sensei sprung a quiz on us, but I really think I did well on it," she said.
"That's great to hear," he said. "I'm proud of you."
She smiled happily. "So... how did you do with Atana?"
He remained silent for a moment as he pulled his car out into traffic. "Well, I made some progress... He now understands what the situation is, and remembers much of his past... although his situation is a little different from ours."
"How?"
"He was not reincarnated," Mamoru said.
Usagi looked at him, confused. "How is that possible? How could he be here if he wasn't reincarnated?"
"He took his daughter and used his magic to flee into the future after the Dark Kingdom attacked the Moon, but something caused him to lose his memories," Mamoru said. "He waited until the attack had started because Kara's mother was on the Moon, taking part in the final defense."
She looked at him, her eyes going wide. "Rei is Kara's mother," she said, her voice just a whisper.
"That's right," Mamoru said. "Her past self, at any rate."
She sat back in her seat, staring ahead blankly as more memories of the past came to the surface. "I can't believe we didn't remember it sooner," she said softly. "I now remember her telling me... Serenity, I mean, that they were going to have a baby... And the scandal that followed... What a mess. I was under pressure to dismiss her from my court, but Mother refused to force me, and I wasn't about to do it. Some wanted her grandfather, the king of Mars, to call her home, but though he had some concerns about Rei's youth, he refused to do it, even in the face of strenuous criticism from prominent Martian nobles."
Mamoru nodded as he was also remembering this. "Yes. I remember that too."
"So, when is he going to get back together with her?" she asked.
"I'm not sure," he said quietly. "He still has some reservations."
"What? How could he?" Usagi asked. "They love each other."
He nodded. "Yes. But he also knows she's begun a new life. He's concerned about her age, and about pressuring her to live this life based on her past life. At the same time, he realizes that Kara has already become very attached to Rei. He cares for Rei too much to just dump this on her."
"But they're meant to be together," Usagi said. "They both need it."
"I know," he said. "And I did my best to explain that... without coming across as unduly pressuring him, that is."
Usagi sat there for a moment. "When do we tell Rei?" she asked.
"Ah... I'm not sure if we should," he said.
"What? You can't be serious."
"It's difficult, I know... but we also have to think about Atana and Kara. He hasn't told her yet... and for the moment at least, I don't think Atana plans to bring it up with Rei," he said.
"But she could remember it herself at any time," Usagi said.
"I know... And I told him that... but he's still struggling to adjust to all this. After all, he's just regained his memories, and is trying balance his past with his present," he said. "You have to admit, he and Rei can't just pick up their relationship from what it was at the end of the Moon Kingdom."
"I guess not," she agreed. "But she still has a right to know... This concerns her too."
"Well, since this concerns one of the Senshi, I guess it really has to be your decision, my princess," he said. "I just think you have to consider Atana and Kara as well."
Usagi took a breath and nodded. She worked to clear her thoughts, trying to determine what her past self might have done. Finally, she turned to look at him. "Let's go to the Temple."- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Rei lay back on her bed while Usagi sat on the floor next to her.
"What am I supposed to be remembering?" Rei asked again.
"Just try to focus on your relationship with Atana," Usagi said.
"I have this feeling you already know what you want me to find."
"Just be quiet and do this," Usagi said firmly.
Rei shook her head, then closed her eyes, taking several slow, deep breaths. Her thoughts drifted free and she soon found herself experiencing memories of her past life. She again recalled making love with Atana, and though he was still as tender and loving as she always remembered him, something about this occasion seemed different somehow. The memories soon changed, as she now remembered sitting in her bedchamber, staring at a crystal. Her breath caught as the memory came back to her of just what this meant. She was looking at a Silver Millennium era pregnancy test, which was reading positive. Even as a part of her recoiled in disbelief, the wave of memories had taken control. She saw herself happily embracing Atana as she told him the news, then informing Princess Serenity. Next, she remembered being with the king of Mars; she had grown up with a grandfather in that life as well as in this one. He had been concerned, but was happy for her. She remembered the incredible joy of holding the baby, her daughter, in her arms. Only a few months later, though, the Dark Kingdom had invaded, overrunning the Earth. The fragile balance of magic that allowed life to exist on the other planets was being rapidly disrupted, and there was serious concern that the final battle would unleash such powerful forces as to destroy that balance all together. Fingers of ice seemed to close around her heart as she and Atana reluctantly decided he should take their daughter away from the Moon to seek someplace safe for her.
Rei's eyes burst open and she gasped for breath. Usagi gently placed her hand on her arm.
"Oh, gods!" Rei gasped. "I... I can't believe it."
"Are you OK?" Usagi asked.
Rei looked up at her, still struggling for breath. "Kara is... She's..."
Usagi nodded. "That's right."
"Oh, gods," Rei groaned. "It's incredible... But... how were they both reborn in this life?"
"They weren't," Usagi said. "Atana escaped into the future. Mamoru and I suspect Queen Serenity made sure they would end up in the same time as we did."
"So... he's the same Atana as in my memories?"
"That's right," Usagi said.
"Does he know?"
Usagi nodded. "Mamoru said he discovered the truth this afternoon."
"What about Kara?"
"Not yet. Atana still has concerns about how well she'll understand this... and he doesn't want you to be pressured by all this," Usagi said. "Mamoru says he knows you've begun a new life, and he doesn't want you to feel your present life is being dictated by your past."
"Even though it already is," Rei said softly.
Usagi nodded.
"Well... I guess I agree about Kara... this could be tough for her to understand," Rei said. "But Atana and I need to try to talk about this."
"You might want to be careful about that," Usagi said. "Atana doesn't know that you know yet, and he apparently didn't plan to tell you yet either."
"I... see," Rei said softly.
"He's having difficulties of his own with this," Usagi said. "I think you'll want to be careful in how you approach him."
Rei nodded.
"Are you OK with this?" Usagi asked.
"It is quite a change," Rei said.
"You don't have to try to fill the mother role right away, you know," Usagi said. "It might be easier for all three of you if you went slowly with that."
"I guess so." She didn't sound entirely convinced.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"How did she take it?" Mamoru asked.
"I think she's a little overwhelmed," Usagi said. "I can't really blame her."
"No," he agreed. "I think that was part of Atana's reaction... The others have the chance to rediscover their love at their own pace... but Rei suddenly learns she also had a child in her past life."
Usagi nodded. "I gave her your suggestion about moving into that role very slowly... I'm not sure if she's really ready to think about that yet."
"We'll need to keep an eye on both Rei and Atana," Mamoru said. "I'm concerned that if Atana feels overly pressured by this, he might pack up and go back to Hawaii."
"You really think he might?"
"It's certainly possible," he said. "Especially if he decides it's creating a problem for Kara. Afterall, he is Kara's father, while Rei is the reincarnation of Kara's mother. If he was pushed into a situation where he felt he had to choose..."
"I'm sure Rei wouldn't do that," Usagi said.
"Not intentionally," Mamoru agreed. "But my biggest concern would be if he can't get past the age difference between them."
"He wasn't concerned about that before," she said.
"I know. But he's lived for several years with no memories of the Silver Millennium, and has come to accept the standards of this era. He may now remember the past, but that doesn't change his views," he said.
"That would be terrible for both of them," Usagi said softly.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Rei knelt in front of the fire, seeking the natural harmony it brought to her as she tried to sort through her newly surfaced memories and feelings. Just then, she felt a flash of magic nearby. She immediately jumped to her feet and headed for the door. Outside, she saw a movement in the bushes, quickly spotting the dark-haired little girl.
"Kara," she called. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see you," Kara said, stepping toward her.
"Where is your father?" Rei asked, looking around.
"I came alone," Kara said.
Rei looked at her in surprise then embraced her. "Was there another attack?"
Kara shook her head.
"Then, how did you get here, Kara?"
"I used one of Daddy's spells," she said, very pleased with herself.
"Teleport?" Rei asked.
Kara nodded with a happy grin.
Rei clenched her teeth, having little difficulty imagining Atana's reaction to this. "Kara... Does your father know about you using the spell to come here?"
The little girl shook her head, her grin fading a bit.
"And has he said anything to you about using a spell without permission?" Rei asked.
"Well... not about spells," Kara said softly.
"Does he know you can do spells?"
"Only small ones," Kara said.
"I see... What has he said about going anywhere without his permission?"
Kara's gaze fell to the ground. "He said I couldn't go without him."
Rei nodded. More memories of Kara as a baby washed over her, only heightening her concern for the girl. "And just how is this any different?"
Kara threw her arms around Rei. "I just wanted to see you," she said softly, beginning to cry.
"Kara, I'm sure your father is very worried about you," Rei said. "And I'm quite disappointed in your behavior."
"But Rei..." Kara continued to cry softly.
"No, Kara," Rei said, struggling to remain firm. "Come inside with me. I have to call your father."
Rei took Kara's hand and led her inside, sitting the little girl down on her bed. She then reached for the phone.
"Hello, this is Magi-san," Atana said in Japanese.
"Atana. It's Rei," she said.
"Uhm, Rei, I'm afraid this really isn't a good time to talk..."
"I know," she said. "But I needed to call you... I've just discovered I have a guest."
"Kara?" he asked. "How did she get there?"
"It seems she has mastered your teleport spell."
"But... she's too young for that," he objected.
"Well, that's what she said," Rei said. "And she is here."
"Alright," Atana said. "I can't imagine how she managed that, but I'll be right there... Thanks for calling me, Rei."
"You're welcome," she said, hanging up the phone.
Rei sat down beside Kara.
"I didn't mean any harm," Kara said softly, in English. "I just wanted to see you."
"I understand," Rei said. "But you cannot just leave home like this without your father's permission."
Kara nodded, then leaned against Rei. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
Rei slipped her arm around the girl, looking down at her. It still seemed strange to her to realize that this girl was her daughter, or rather the daughter of her past self. She had felt a strong sense of caring for Kara from the beginning, and she wanted to keep her safe. At the same time, she had to admit she wasn't entirely sure she was ready to be a parent.
Kara shifted position, looking up at Rei. "Could you come stay with us again?"
"Uhm, not tonight, I'm afraid," Rei said. "And it may be a while before I can."
"Please," Kara begged, her young eyes open wide.
Rei groaned inwardly in response, but shook her head. "Not right now, Kara... And your father would have to agree."
Kara nodded, looking disheartened. "Daddy doesn't seem to want to anymore."
Rei sighed, remembering how she had felt that morning after she had spoken with him. "I'm sure he's just busy... And I've been busy too. That just happens sometimes."
Kara nodded again. "I just like having you there," she said softly.
"I understand," Rei whispered. "But we cannot always have that, I'm afraid."
"Don't you want to?"
"I never said I did not want to," Rei said. "I only said sometimes we cannot do everything we would like."
Kara shook her head and clenched her eyes shut.
Rei held her quietly until Atana arrived.
"Is she alright?" he asked.
Rei nodded. "She's fine."
"I'm sorry, Daddy," Kara said, her voice trembling. "I just wanted to see Rei."
"You know what I told you, honey," he said. "Just arriving without permission is very rude."
Kara nodded and Atana took her in his arms.
"Thank you, Rei," he said. "I'm sorry about this."
"It's alright. I really don't mind," she said in Japanese. She hesitated for a moment. "Besides, it seems we all have something of a connection."
Atana looked at her in surprise, having not anticipated this happening so soon. "It seems we do," he agreed.
"Perhaps we should find some time to talk soon," she suggested. "We might find a way to prevent this from happening again."
He nodded. "That might be a good idea... but just now, I need to get her home."
"I understand," Rei said. She switched back to English. "Bye, Kara."
"Bye, Rei," Kara said. She suddenly slipped away from Atana and threw herself into Rei's arms. "I hope I can see you again soon."
"Maybe we can," Rei said softly. "But you be good for your father, or I'm sure the answer will be no."
Kara nodded, then stepped back and again took her father's hand.
"Good bye, Rei," Atana said. "I'm sure we'll talk soon."< To be continued >
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NOTE: More to come.Hopeless Romantic and I now have a message group to notify our readers when we post new stories/chapters. Those who are interested can sign up at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/strands_of_moonlight/ .
Always remember, good gentles, that a yarnspinner works from and within existing legends and stories. The characters of "Sailor Moon" belong to others. In spinning my yarns, I do not seek to infringe on their rights of ownership, but merely to join with other fans to spread the legend still further. "The moonlight carries a message of love." Enjoy.
-03.30.2002